A Day Harassing the Shadow Chairman of Policy Review and Chairman of the Conservative Research Department. (Oldest First)
Dear Mr Letwin,
Following my email to you of 6 December 2006, I am pleased to attach more jokes that I hope will be of use to you.
I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I have finding them for you.
If you have any other questions, please don't hesitate to email me back on this address or ring me on [mobono].
I look foreward very much to hear from you.
Yours sincerely
Benvolio Foster
Enc.
Q: How does the barber cut the Moon's hair?
A: E-clipse it!
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie into it!
Q: Why did the worker at the M&M® factory get fired?
A: He threw all the Ws away!
Q: What's a wombat for?
A: Playing womball!
Q: What's gray and has a trunk?
A: A mouse going on vacation!
Q: What's black, white, and terrifying?
A: A maths test!
Q: What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean?
A: "Try and be more Pacific!"
Q: What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved!
Q: What do farmers use to count their cows?
A: A cow-culator!
Q: What did one eye say to the other?
A: Don't look now, but something between us smells!
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef!
-
Thank you for your recepit of confirmation of my email.
Please make sure that if Mr Letwin is in need of any other jokes I am available on the contact details given previously.
Many Thanks
Benvolio Foster
-
If he wishes it, I might also be able to provide amusing pictures, entertaining captions for normal pictures or post a copy of the Radio Times with all the sit-coms highlighted. I am also working on a stand-up routine entitled `David Cameron ate my girlfriend` he might also like to preview.
Many thanks in advance for your consideration.
Yours sincerely
Benvolio Foster
P.s, Happy Christmas!-
May I ask if the reason Mr Letwin is no longer Shadow Chancellor is anything to do with David Cameron? Between you and me I don't really trust him. What does Mr Letwin's new job entail? And what does George Osborne do now, I like him too. Does the shadow cabinet have a website I can peruse?
If Mr Letwin does need any other material he need only ask. I'm a great supporter of traditional tory values like free market and stuff. Would you like me to send you some captions I have made for David Cameron? I assure you they're most entertaining.
Yours sincerely
Benvolio Foster
p.s, please call me Ben
---------------
After such a fun day, I think Mr Letwin Deserves a caption:
``Why did the M&M worker throw away all the Ws? No that's not right...``
Following my email to you of 6 December 2006, I am pleased to attach more jokes that I hope will be of use to you.
I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I have finding them for you.
If you have any other questions, please don't hesitate to email me back on this address or ring me on [mobono].
I look foreward very much to hear from you.
Yours sincerely
Benvolio Foster
Enc.
Q: How does the barber cut the Moon's hair?
A: E-clipse it!
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie into it!
Q: Why did the worker at the M&M® factory get fired?
A: He threw all the Ws away!
Q: What's a wombat for?
A: Playing womball!
Q: What's gray and has a trunk?
A: A mouse going on vacation!
Q: What's black, white, and terrifying?
A: A maths test!
Q: What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean?
A: "Try and be more Pacific!"
Q: What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved!
Q: What do farmers use to count their cows?
A: A cow-culator!
Q: What did one eye say to the other?
A: Don't look now, but something between us smells!
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef!
-
Thank you for your e-mail, which I shall be sure Oliver Letwin sees.
ANGELA CHARLES
-
Thank you for your recepit of confirmation of my email.
Please make sure that if Mr Letwin is in need of any other jokes I am available on the contact details given previously.
Many Thanks
Benvolio Foster
-
Many thanks. It is most kind of you – but I think Mr Letwin has enough jokes to be getting on with for the time being.
Best wishes.
Angela Charles
-
If he wishes it, I might also be able to provide amusing pictures, entertaining captions for normal pictures or post a copy of the Radio Times with all the sit-coms highlighted. I am also working on a stand-up routine entitled `David Cameron ate my girlfriend` he might also like to preview.
Many thanks in advance for your consideration.
Yours sincerely
Benvolio Foster
P.s, Happy Christmas!
Thank you – you are most kind.
Incidentally, Mr Letwin is no longer Shadow Chancellor – and hasn’t been since the last general election. He is Chairman of Policy Review and Chairman of the Conservative Research Department.
Can I please contact you again if he should require further material?
In the meantime, happy Christmas.
Angela Charles
-
Dear Ms Charles,May I ask if the reason Mr Letwin is no longer Shadow Chancellor is anything to do with David Cameron? Between you and me I don't really trust him. What does Mr Letwin's new job entail? And what does George Osborne do now, I like him too. Does the shadow cabinet have a website I can peruse?
If Mr Letwin does need any other material he need only ask. I'm a great supporter of traditional tory values like free market and stuff. Would you like me to send you some captions I have made for David Cameron? I assure you they're most entertaining.
Yours sincerely
Benvolio Foster
p.s, please call me Ben
---------------
After such a fun day, I think Mr Letwin Deserves a caption:
``Why did the M&M worker throw away all the Ws? No that's not right...``
posted by Ben F. Foster Esq. (c) @ 12:11 PM
3 Comments:
At 12:36 PM,
Ben F. Foster Esq. (c) said…
Incidently, this is what I emailed MR Letwin on 6/12/2006
Dear Mr Oliver Letwin
I hope the following jokes will be of use to you.
Yours sincerely
Benvolio Foster
>>Q. What's the difference between a chav and a coconut?
>>
>>A. one's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
>>Q. Two chavs jump off a cliff, who wins?
>>
>>A. Society.
>>Q. What does a chav girl use as protection during sex?
>>
>>A. Bus shelter.
>>Q. What do you call a 30 year old chav girl?
>>
>>A. Granny.
>>Q. What do you call a chav in a box?
>>
>>A. Innit.
>>Q. What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?
>>
>>A. Sorted.
>>Q. What do you call a chav in a suit
>>
>>A. "Will the defendant please rise"
>>Q. Why did the chav cross the road?
>>
>>A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason what so ever.
>>Q. What do you call a chav girl in a white tracksuit?
>>
>>A. The bride.
>>Q. If you're driving and see a chav on a bike why should you try not to
>>hit
>>him?
>>
>>A. It might be your bike.
>>Q. What's the first question during a chav quiz night?
>>
>>A. What you looking at.
>>Q. Why are chavs like slinkey's?
>>
>>A. They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of
>>stairs
>>Q. Two chavs in a car without any music, who's driving?
>>
>>A. The policeman!
>>Q. How do you get a hundred chavs in a phone box?
>>
>>A. Paint 3 stripes on it.
>>Q. What do you call a hundred chavs at the bottom of the river?
>>
>>A. A start.
>>Q. Where do you take a chav girl for a decent night out?
>>
>>A. Up the ar*e.
>>Q. Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a nova a shame?
>>
>>A. Because a nova has 4 seats.
>>Q. What do you call a chav with 9 gcse's?
>>
>>A. A liar.
>>Q. What do you say to a chav with a job?
>>
>>A. Bigmac please.
>>Q. What's the difference between a chav boy and a chav girl?
>>
>>A. A chav girl has a higher sperm count.
At 7:50 PM,
Timothy V Reeves said…
I love the Chav jokes. You might even be making some headway with Angie Charles: "Can I please contact you again if he should require further material?". Next thing we know is that when La isn't looking you'll be asking her if she's got large b**bs.
At 7:54 PM,
Timothy V Reeves said…
Is this what the used to call a "manic" period?
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