Dear Your Royalled Highness, Queen Elizabeth The Second (Of Two)

Well, it's that time of year again, is it not?! Yes, you've guessed it... Queen's speech!!

You must look forward to it all the year long, almost as much as me I dare say! Well this year we've had an interesting year haven't we? Olympics in China, Brown came into power in March, The Berlin Wall is still safely down, um, some pandas started mating, and who'd have thought it was Shannon Matthew's mum that did it!? (Let's hope they send Jerry McCann down, yeah?) Well, you probably can't comment on that and I won't turn your hand as that would be treason I dare say.

Well, with all due respect your majesties, but you're knocking on a bit and I recon you could do with a hand writing the old speech, 'eh? Welleth I, Mr Benvolio Haversham-Brown hath the perfect solution. As a patriot, literary giant (soon to be published novelist, sucessful poetry riter) I am here to humby offer my services as a humber servant to yourself. It would be an honour to write the speech for you marm.

Here is a little taster. Perhaps you'd like to read this aloud or to the Duke of Edinburgh for some feedback (tell him I send my love). You might notice I've added a light hearted approach this year quoting a twee `comedy` act near the beginning. I feel this will knock ten years off you. I include the word `stonker` for similar effect.

Well my loyal subjects. It's me, Queen Elizabeth the second - no not the ship, possums!! I am the queen broadcasting live from Buckingham Palace - or as we like to call it - Windsor HQ!

*wait for ripple of amused applause accross the nation*.

It's been a stonker of a year hasn't it?! Hope yours has been good. We had the landing re-carpetted and bought a new dyson so all go here. It's a bluey greyish short pile twist. Nice really. 20 percent off too, yeah, got a voucher in the paper.

Anyway so the real stuff I want to talk about is what have YOU all been up to? Well why don't you text `Mjsty` to 810300 with some of your stories. Don't forget to leave your number so we can get you on air. Texts cost 25p, network charges may vary.

But now we go over live to The Duke Of Wales, Charles can you hear me?

`... yes... yes I think I've got you`

How is it in Wales?

`I never knew it was so wet! Has obviously been a wet year here, not what the nation is used to I shouldn't wonder. Excuse me sir, could you tell me how you've found this wet year?`

``Boyo``

`Haha, who knew? Back to you in the studio`


Thanks, Charles.


Well we have a text here from a General Sir Patrick Kielty of the 87th Batallion who asks ``Wt hppnd 2 Iraq, I'm cnfsd lololol!!!!!!``


Haha, well it's quite simple, General, we over threw a tyrant and are now rebuilding a nation to stand on its own two democratic feet and you're paying 89.9p a litre at the pumps.


Well that's about all we've got time for this year, tune in next year, same time same place when we'll be talking about the alien invasion, Obama's shocking `blacking` scandall and we'll be taking more of your questions.


*QEII talks over credits*


If you've been affected by any of the issues raised in this public adress, then why not log onto our website, www.not_the_ship_queen_Elizabeth2.org.uk or alternatively write to us here for a stamped adressed envelope for our free factsheet.



Yours sincerely, Queen Elizabeth II (the second of two)




Let me know your thoughts,

Mr Benvolio Haversham-Brown