Email:

To:
Minister in charge of Department for the Education of Farming Radioactive Antelopes (DEFRA)

Subject:
Cow could you let this happen?

Message:
Dear Minister of DEFRA, Mrs Michelle Gildernew,

Let me set the scene, Mrs Michelle Gildernew. But first, good morning to you yourself. Now back to the scene scetting. It's a cold dark wintery night in November. The sheep on my two and a half acre farm are bleeting, the cocks are crowing, and the cows are mooing. Moooooo. Why do they mooo0oo? I hear you ask? Is it intrinsic to their nature to mo0o0o0o0oo? Are their moO0oos the result of peer pressure, or just inane cow speak for farting away the o-zone layer? I'll tell you the answer, Mrs Minister Michelle Gildernew. They mo000000000000o because they know that I know the secret behind milk!

Oh yes. I know it alright and I demand for something to be done about it!

My milk maid, David, pulls on the cow and milk falls out. Then he returns and it's yogert. 'Pon his next return it becomes cream, thence dubble cream.... Were this not bad enough, when he returns again it becomes butter, and finally to a selection of minature cheeses in a little mesh bag.

Demonstrably these are all the same thing. Identically the same thing. (apart from when the cow in question happens to be a calf whereupon David brings me babybel). I demand you either homogenise this milk or brand all of the above as the same banner. Might i suggest ``cow-seconds.``? Let me know immediately of your intentions or I shall contact the trades descriptions act a moment after immediately.

Kapish?

Yours sincerely

Mr Benjamin Foster
Minister for TRUTH!