Praise the Lord for laughter and Google

"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease
to be amused"

Q: How does the barber cut the Moon's hair?
A: E-clipse it!

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie into it!

Q: Why did the worker at the M&M® factory get fired?
A: He threw all the Ws away!

Q: What's a wombat for?
A: Playing womball!

Q: What's gray and has a trunk?
A: A mouse going on vacation!

Q: What's black, white, and terrifying?
A: A maths test!

Q: What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean?
A: "Try and be more Pacific!"

Q: What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved!

Q: What do farmers use to count their cows?
A: A cow-culator!

Q: What did one eye say to the other?
A: Don't look now, but something between us smells!

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef!

Q: What is the difference between a Quantum Theorist and a Beauty
Therapist?
A: The Quantum Theorist uses Planck's Constant as a foundation,
whereas the Beauty Therapist uses Max Factor. (that's worth looking into because it's so funny!!!)

Knock knock - who's there? - a little old lady - a little old lady who? - where did you learn to yodel?!



Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying
week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked, “Doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?”

Bobby said, “Yes, God did it and he did it left handed.”

This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him, “What makes you say God did
this with his left hand?”

“Well,” said Bobby, “we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's
right hand!”


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Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.

"This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.

"Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head.

"Aw, c'mon, Dad..." Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"
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There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he got, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do. The urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant and told him that he was sick and could not attend church. Then he packed up the car, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.

An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he's doing." God nodded in agreement.

The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung, and the ball sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A perfect hole-in-one. The preacher was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."

God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"


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*grin*