iBlog: Something to object to


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Sunday, June 18, 2006

Something to object to

Today I am feeling sorry for the Christians. There are no government bills that don't include the exoneration of the church to protest about, no anti-gay ralleighs to attend, no liberalist politicians to slander. And as such, I'm feeling positively drained: at the moment there's nothing to object to as a Christian, and as such, my walk with God is feeling a little baron.

O come, sweet liberalism and let us picket at your feet once more!

By the way that was sarcasm, but it's nice to see that on the whole, Christians have gone about a month without embarrassing ourselves too much over trivialities in life.

However, today a government think tank called InterGod proposed a `makeover of the church and religious scene in Britain`. Lord Milbert Dilbydew from the Department of Religious Unification had this to say:

`With the current increase of religious believers, measures have to be taken before they all take over society. It's implausible that a stable society can be governed when more than more than fifty percent [of the population] believe in some higher being or life form. As such, I've had express orders from the Deputy Prime Minister to rectify the impending crisis.`

The draught bill is being put to the House of Lords tomorrow afternoon, but it's expected to propose the unification of all major British religions into a single recognised church which is currently being dubbed: `Faithonism`.

Dr. Rowan Atkinson, current Arch Bishop of Canterbury welcomes the new move and says `this should be one step closer to the long awaited harmony between Christian, Muslim and Sikh and all other believing peoples. I've known Lord Milbert for many years and support the bill with vehemence`. However, Haseem Al Jabazaaharraar-el Macheem of the Muslim council of great Britain says it's one more example of religious persecution and the watering down of people's beliefs to pave the way for governmental monopoly of the church`.

Leaks from civil servants inside Westminster have shown a new watchdog, Ofgod will be set up to maintain order in the new unified religion. They will be responsible for making sure, that none of the followers of `Faithonism` show any radical signs of independence of thought or interpretism of the yet to be disclosed scriptures (expected to comprise the `best bits` of the Torah, the Qu'an and Rob Lacey's `bible in a year`. Their duties will also include policing some of the more extreme members who look capable of causing destruction on the world at large.

A civil servant in the Ministry of Religious Unification who is working with the establishment of Ofgod said this about it:

The main role [of Ofgod] will be to replace the role of *Faithonism* leaders. That is to say, the final unified religion will have no leaders, only beaurocratical figureheads. (Lord Milbert Dilbydew is expected to take responsibility for this in the interim). It is expected that many old religious leaders will object to this move, however, we feel that with careful liaising with Priest and Rabbi alike, they will see the obvious and immediate benefits of a church whose foundations are laid in legal policy rather than the tested and failed deities so highly affiliated with the 19th century.

Members of the cabinet all refused to comment on this at the moment, however, when he was Home Secretary, Jack Straw has been quoted as saying that `religious reform in Britain is far overdue, and too many people worship who they like how they like. This big muddle of a liberalist multitude of faiths will be the downfall of society in Britain, and to make society truly multi-cultural, all religions MUST be unified in the name of political correctness...`. (Mister Straw later abandoned this quest when he claimed he should be the `honourary God` of the unified faith programme).

In a press conference earlier today, Lord Milbert Dilbydew announced that the religious unification programme is expected to begin in December, and it is hoped that there will be no religious unorthodoxy by 2010. He also announced a budget of 2.6Billion pounds has been set aside for the project out of the state treasury. He also confirmed a definite name to the new faith has not yet been finalised. (He also rejected `Dilbydism` as a possible candidate for the eventual name).


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