iBlog: Petition


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Thursday, May 28, 2009 Petition

People call our democratic system flawed. We have a government that's hesitent to refurendums, politicians who embezzle public funds into real estate, ministers who are incapable and unversed in their areas of office, but there is a single shining light at the end of the tunnel the UK Parliamentiary system.

That is the e-petition link on the website. An online thingmybob that allows you to petition the PM with whatever your whims take of your fancy.

This seems quite well managed by Whitehall or wherever, and there are some legitimate progressive points being raised there. I, myself consider myself a bastion of the old guard of British Politics so to keep the balance of Western Democracy, I decided to corrupt this and start me an e-petition for my old friend, Mr Oliver Letwin MP.

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to:

Pay Oliver Letwin back the £2,145 that he himself paid back after orginally claiming for on expenses for repairing his tennis court

Add more details of your petition:

As the very prime of ministers yourself, you should know better than any what pressures are on members of the parliament these days.

And still Mr Letwin paid back, out of the goodness of his own heart the expenses he claimed for the repairs of his tennis court. How does that make you feel? That's a legitimate claim! What do we disalow claims for next... Eh? Well I don't want to know what next, because my rage is out!!!

Requested Duration:

4 months, 5 days

Choose a short name for your petition (6 to 16 letters):


To my count, this e-petition falls foul of eleven clauses in the abridged terms and conditions of use. Still waiting for them to rubberstamp it, but if they do, I'll link you so everyone can sign it.


  • At 11:39 PM, Blogger Ben F. Foster Esq. (c) said…

    Dear Mister Oliver Letwin MP


    Looks like that expenses thing blew over nicely. Was looking a bit iffy there for a while, wasn't it. Not really sure why David Spanner-room was so mad ab00t it all though. 0r the electorate for that matter. Guess some people are just a wee bit jelous. Actually, do you want to know what I think, I think the public are just drunk. Drunk and without any orderly.

    Anyway, that's not why I emailed, and I shall cut my email straight to its chase. Ready...


    I think its rediculous that you should have to pay back the £2,145 in expenses for your tennis court to be repaired. The very court in which you tennis is more than a couple of grands worth of plumbing expense. Oh yes. Read on to the following paragraph.

    I left a message with your secretary the other day saying I'll meet you there for a game, but you never showed up. Alak. But not to worry, while I waited there, in the rain, spirit crushed, white linen shorts clinging to my middle wicket like a back bencher clings to power after claiming for goldfish food, I realised something. I realised this tennis court was the very thing that this country - this democracy - this beacon of hope in a wartorn Godless world is all about. I'm not quite sure I thought any more than that to qualify that statement as it's probable I passed out/hallucenated from the cold soon after.

    Where would this coutry be without the Tory Party? And where would the Tory Party be without their `Chairman of the Policy Review and Chairman of the Research Department`? Very little where is where I should imagine, Mr Letwin MP. Very little where.

    Which brings me to my next point. Your job is about developmenting. How is repaying that expense claim developmentising? That's the opposite of developenting. I fired up the my own Television Machine that resides in our front room and whom should I see but Andrew Marr (not MP) reporting in London of all places about you. I said to him ``Oi, Marr (not MP)! Quit living in the past, yeah!? Just quit it. Little prig!``. Didn't listen to me though. He never does. Just like Kilroy Silk (1/2 MP) never listened to me. Still, he's dead now so that's some comfort.

    Anyway, the point in this ``internet e---mail message`` is to advise you that I've set up an internet e-petition on the Prime Minister's (PM) personal website urging him to pay you back for your court of tennisses. Hope this is okay. Not really sure how anyone can survive on 64k + expenses + second home in this day and age. I can barely fund my private jet these days what with fuel duty and pilots wanting `time off`.

    Anyway, hope you are well, sign the petition and get back to me about that tennis game.

    Yours with love

    Mr Benjamin F Foster (not MP)

  • At 9:50 AM, Blogger Ben F. Foster Esq. (c) said…

    ``Dear Mr Foster,

    Thank you for your e-mail - which I have read with interest.

    Yours sincerely,

    Oliver Letwin


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