Could find an email adress for Tesco so I sent this to Sainsbury's instead
Subject Bitter Sanguine
Dear Tescos The Supermarketeers
Well. Well well well. I am disappointed. No disappointed is too week a word... I am sanguine after a trip to my local discount Tescos in Norwich.
I was shocked, and if you will, appalled that you allow such funnily shaped people to work at your stores. One understands each person has their own build and design - why I myself have one eye higher than t'other but in your Tescos the Supermarket Store, I did not see a single well proportioned member of staff.
Do you get them from the zoo? Do you coo at them from behind their bars? Do you tempt them in with... y'know... animal food? And put a blue chequered shirt on them and call them shelf stackers? Is that what you do?
One member of your staff who went by the name of `Billy-Bobby Zestyface` couldn't point to a shelf when I asked him `can you point me in the direction of the nearest shelf, Billy-Bobby Zestyface?`. As simple an order as a customer can give and all I received was a blank stare. I figured it out in the end by my own self.
I expect every single person in the company to be fired by noon tomorrow or I will personally tell you off. You are accountible and responsible for this. You and you alone. Oh, you'll have mutant blood on your hands if I see a single employee working for Tescos the Supermarket in 2010.
From then on, I will personally undertake the task of recruiting normal shaped staff as you are obviously not capable are you? ARE YOU!?
You will respond to this message within twenty four hours. I have made myself clear.
Benvolio Haversham-Brown
Dear Tescos The Supermarketeers
Well. Well well well. I am disappointed. No disappointed is too week a word... I am sanguine after a trip to my local discount Tescos in Norwich.
I was shocked, and if you will, appalled that you allow such funnily shaped people to work at your stores. One understands each person has their own build and design - why I myself have one eye higher than t'other but in your Tescos the Supermarket Store, I did not see a single well proportioned member of staff.
Do you get them from the zoo? Do you coo at them from behind their bars? Do you tempt them in with... y'know... animal food? And put a blue chequered shirt on them and call them shelf stackers? Is that what you do?
One member of your staff who went by the name of `Billy-Bobby Zestyface` couldn't point to a shelf when I asked him `can you point me in the direction of the nearest shelf, Billy-Bobby Zestyface?`. As simple an order as a customer can give and all I received was a blank stare. I figured it out in the end by my own self.
I expect every single person in the company to be fired by noon tomorrow or I will personally tell you off. You are accountible and responsible for this. You and you alone. Oh, you'll have mutant blood on your hands if I see a single employee working for Tescos the Supermarket in 2010.
From then on, I will personally undertake the task of recruiting normal shaped staff as you are obviously not capable are you? ARE YOU!?
You will respond to this message within twenty four hours. I have made myself clear.
Benvolio Haversham-Brown
posted by Ben F. Foster Esq. (c) @ 7:58 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home