iBlog: June 2005


Tomorrow's blog today

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Definition of Life

Despite the abundance of depression and feelings of apathy towards our society by those living in it, our little circle of idioms and cliches which seem to circulate in pragmatics (as used by such a society) never seems to fail at qualifying it by paraphrase.

In my musings on the train today, I thought of just a few of such phrases,
`life is a journey`

`life is a bitch`

`life is series of problems` (in fairness it was only my old man who said that this evening, but it seems to fit)

`life is like a box of chocolates`

Surely not all of these paraphrases can be wholly true, and even if they each pose a component to the ultimate `truth` on the world and society, then I for one choose not to abide by an incomplete or lacking metaphor. For this reason, my task for today has been to work out which of these (if any) are correct.

-Firstly, if `life is a bitch`, then surely existence (even in its barest sense) is futile... such a phrase, put simply, means there is no anticipation or expectancy for anything in life which would merit one's existance (without arguing living in a `bitch` is better than not living atal, but hey, who's relativist anyway!?)
-Secondly, I don't think `life is like a box of chocolates`. The main inference of this is that life is a mere collation of pre-scripted events, or at the very least, vague paradigms of sociological interaction and personal development. Also, no one ever puts chocolates into another's box, and I'm quite sure that with my approach to finding the definition of `life` (so to speak) is just as much about the way in which we're mutable by our social peers as it is our own battles with this enigmatic lump we call `life`.
-Thirdtastically, my old man said in passing tonight that `life is a series of problems`. Again, this reflects the futility and sheer meaninglessness posed by the philosophy of `life is a bitch`, but also, this inadvertidly is its own falling. Surely the point in a problem is its desired resolution. Without that, a problem is only an abyssylystic sufference, and I am loathed to ascribe to the view that `life` (in the sense of `living`) is anything less than a satisfactory measure of `existence`.
-Forthularically, it's asumable that `life is a journey`. Despite the fact that this is a commonly used metaphor, it's one which has come to natural revelation with my progression through my life. I think hindsight is a very powerful tool for analysing `life`, and, this is one of the very few times where objectivity can be a hinderence (as I'm sure life is a product of our reactions to it). We, as people, all grow. We learn, we mature, we learn some more, we develop relations, we break them, we go from screaming with happyness to tears of sadness in the space of a day, we we come out the otherside stronger because of that. Despite the lows; highs; ups; downs; roughs; smooths; happy; sad etc etc etc, (I for one at least), we never come out the weaker because of it, and what we learn invariably has in an influence on what we choose to do, and how we choose to react when posed with similar situations in the future.

Ultimately a journey has to end after the beginnings, burn-outs, break downs, and blemishes along the way, so all one has to ask ones self is, `was it worth it`, or if you're feeling daring, `why was it worth it?`

which is the next question I pose to myself

`what justifies `life`? `

Sunday, June 26, 2005

nought to ten in the time it takes to get round to updating a blog

1- went to 24/7 prayer meeting (2300 - 0800)
2- was only one to stay up all night
3- spent day in city with Ella afterwards
4- saw `Mr and Mrs Smith` at Ster - boring
5- came home
6- slept for fourteen hours
7- had last day at work
8- still tired
9- was too lazy to write blog cirtumspectly
10- but thought of (what i think is) a funny titular title

Monday, June 20, 2005

Mandela's unattainable vision...

If 2005 really is, a year of me learning and devloping my thouhts on the world and life (see last entry), one thing which really is becoming more and more important to me is the plight of human equality, and, what I call `super-equality`.

The modern ANC in South Africa, (Post-Mandela), in my opinion is utterly removed from it's origional agendae (hope that's a word) as established and pioneered (even imprisoned for!) by Nelson Mandela. His vision was the same as the great Martin Luther King - not one of black rights, but one of human equality. Mandela fought with politics more than he did with an AK47, and was even imprisoned because of that, but unlike the black rights activists of the Southern States of America, who perpertrated violence as a means to equality (like Malcom X), Mandela quietly and unfairly suffered his incarsoration, possibly knowing of his final vindication as a result of such inspiring peace. My friend is a South African (who moved to the UK around three years ago), and when I asked him about his thoughts on Mandela, the first thing he said was:
``Nelson Mandela was a great man, I'm honoured to be even thought of in the same sentence as him.`` - JD
However he went on to tell me that the ANC (Mandela's political Party who are now govern South Africa) are now the other way, and as a means to achieve [an apparent] racial equality, employers have to satisfy racial quotae (I hope that's a word too!) and if a white or black man go for the same interview with the same crudentials, it's the black man who MUST be offered the job over the white man. That isn't equality and, I'd venture to say, not why Mandela spent so long in prison.

`Super-equality`, I think is people like the BBC correspondants and retarded people, who try and out-moral each other, and over emphasise their earth shattering compassion for the world and go out of their way to witch hunt and twist what people say to make themselves seem better. It's not an easy thing for which to find an example, but (uncharactoristically) I don't blame the people for this, more the benevolent curse [oxymoron! :) ] of `political correctness`. Much as I don't want to question the sincerity or emotional state of some correspondants, it struck me with the recent events in Zimbabwe, rather than a report being presented with:
``In Harare today, much devistation was bought by the state upon political unsettlers``,
it was reported with
``Discusting scenes unfolded in Zimbabwe with Mugabe heading inhumane killings and mass unsettlementing of residents``
(On an aside note, my two cents are that Mugabe is a corrupt inhumane dictator, but not dissimilar to the rest in post-colonial Africa! Either way, I'm insulted that the media feels the need to dictate my emotional reactions to such events).
(But I have serious issues with both relativism and emotionalist media anyway!!).

This evening at youth group, Eric (our youth leader) was talking about the importance of forgiveness.
``Forgiving someone is far more powerful than NOT forgiving them`` - Eric Burgesss
The Bible (John20:23) says that when we forgive someone, they are forgiven, but if we don't then they are convicted of that sin too. Also, (I think it's) Ephesians 4:32 which says God will not (not `can not`) forgive us unless we forgive our brothers. Some issues in my life atm, mean that there's a lot of forgivness required which isn't coming very easily, and I was (by and large) at a loss to work out how not to begrudge certain people. But God was speaking to me this evening in worship, and telling me that unforgivness and contempt are just byproducts of (even euphanisms for) pride. And the antonym of pride is `humility`. So I guess I need to humble myself like Mandela to be vindicated (whether that be on earth or heaven). And more to the point, I need to be humble that I can forgive and pass the glory to my Father in heaven.

At the end of this very dismal day, I guess, with the number of races there are in the world, there'll be a hundred-thousend racists to un-justify each one. Maybe it's human nature, maybe it's political or maybe it's even a standard corruption of the devil, but I'm willing to be a Mandela in this world. I'm willing to show humility in the face of any persecution in this world. In the face of whatever the persecution, I choose to make it my station to match unfair persecution with a display of God-like love. I know this is difficult, but then, so is racial/political incarceration in a prison in an Apheartheid (Sp?) country, and so is crucifiction for the one's banging nails in your wrists.

MY sunny patch of freedom

A long time ago, I sat down with my friend Frank Sinatra and wrote a song (featured at end)
With the advantages of hindsight, I would say 2004 was very much a year of learning. I learned what real love is, what real Godly commitment is, and loads more personal stuff aboot people i proly shouldn't put on my blog. I came out of 2004 really thinking i'd been edified and I'd grown. But now is 2005, and I don't think that's without its precidents either. I think 2005 is beginning to reveal to me my independance.
Work at Carpet Right (which I quit earlier today), the whole Africa thing, A levels, and i gues my general lifeness now seems a lot more Ben-ated. I'm enjoying the freedom in this, conversly, I am also feeling choked by family, college, certain friends and paradigms and habits in my life.
A concatenation of this and certain pragmatics of emplyment have resulted in me choosing to move out of my humble abode, and into the big scarey wide world. Intermittantly, it would appear I'll be living with Shona - until i get off my bum and find someone to marry!
After an amusingly unsuccessful spell at the job agency (Kelly Services) on friday, I have an interview for Norwich Union on tuesday, (which sounds sufficiently ominious!) - after two cpt exams! This is a very big gamble I'm taking. I've quit my job and put myself on the line assuming I'll geddit, but that's all part of my 2005 philosophy (explained later).
Another thing is, I've always felt more at home in Norwich than Great Chavmouth, phsycially, emotionally and Spiritually (After all, it's where my best mates are, where i don't hate and where i was baptised). Moving to Norwich would mean i could go to proclaimers regually too, which is indeed, a very endearing prospect!
There's a lot in my mind atm, so I'm terribly sorry if this is just an unorganised typing vomitation on the page, but this all boils down to the evolution of my 2004 philosophy of `live for the moment` into my current philosophy of `live for the self`.
Life's too short not to grab it by the short-and-curlies and shake it until it spurts out what you want! I intend to live my life for God, for me, and for cool friends who rock my world. I've no further intention to be enslaved to an impossible system, be it education - or capitolist machine. I'm in this world, not of it. ie - I'm doin' it...

My Way
(P. Anka, J. Revaux, G. Thibault, C. Frankois)
[Recorded December 30, 1968, Hollywod]

And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and ev'ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way,
"Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way"

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!


Yes, it was my way
p.s, sorry for the pants link there

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Control and Being Ben to the max

It strikes me, that as I get older, the number of available pitfalls before me seems to somewhat increase in proportion to the number of people who (by their own admission) are the ones to point them out to me. Despite these two variables, my seventeen years spent adorning this earth has not been without its lessons and at the expense of the label of arrogance from my more `learned` elders, I feel confident that I am able to stride through this life, based primarily on my own intervention, without relying on third party cruze control.
I remember one particular journey home from Norwich with one of these `gurus` as they told me I was `wanting my Riches` (like the prodigal son) , and the constricting feeling I endured from the condescending remark. There's always an unnerving dilemma as I try and balance the advice of those more experienced in life, and the path which would be followed were I to live life by my own admission.
I often muse on what would be the advantage of never getting things wrong in life – and what would be the point in leading a flawless life, by blindly conceding all the time to what I'm told. I freely admit, Life, in so far as a secure framework of social interaction would be, by and large, a much more amiable, even inviting place – but what about the interest I should bear in my own personage? Are there no virtues in one's own mistakes? Or does beauty not caress every single thing? Surely, there is good in everything, and I think: `that which does not kill us, serves only to make us stronger`.
Is it wrong that it is in the strength such a philosophy I should choose to live, and not in the shadow of the strength given to others by the same means? In sixty years, I plan to recurse my life in memories and I should like to be able to say that i learned my path through to such a point, not by being puppeted by my advisers, but by my own lust for living and willingness to optimize my space on this earth.