My Haiku

I like haiku-s
syllabic word form that is
5 7 5 rock-s

Maybe we can try
To experiment with form
That is not haiku?

Like this:

this verse is not in haiku form
not least because there isn't a third line

So back to haiku
goes the pace of this poem:
a relief to all...

... Who live for haikus
Like the haiku smelly dogs
Who eat only chips

But let us not f'get
That haikus are the only way
A dog can be whole

Dave Sealey

Remember the other day I commented on Tobin Florio from Showrooms at work? Well it seems there's another genius (photographer) who works on the Gardening dept, Dave Sealey.

His photography is a very dangerous foray into the realms of photoshop photography residing somewhere between abstract pop-art collages of the 1970s and surrealist still-life of the early 20th century. The meeting point between these two schools is a delicate and precocious commentary on some very accessible themes, without the standard pretention to boot.

My personal taste in photography doens't really involve so much of the synthetic adage that the genre is evolving into - I'm more loathed to the idea of computer expression than I am tempted to spend time in appreciation of it. Yet something in Dave Sealey's art is as captivating as it is off-the-wall. The kind of insubordinate revolution without the obligatory rebellion within the medium does the artist credit and the idea that true cathartic expression (with pieces like o and A Tale of Two Cities) is something I expect is harder to acheive on screen than it is walking around Norfolk with your SLR and filter bag so maybe in future I should be slower to laugh off new ideas.

I think Dave Sealey is still under the umberella of the generic amateur circle but with such a lateral mind and eye for originality I can't imagine his art won't make a sucess of him. The art scene at the moment (not that I'm a critic) needs more free thinkers. Whether it's blotchy still-life form, cubism, or desecrating the canvas, the history of art has long proved to show there's genius in furthering the limits of permissible art. However, artists like Damien Hirst or David Taborn have pushed the pushing of limits too far and this is now no longer genius or art. Real post-millenium genius in originality comes from bringing something new to the arena, without the need to establish new boundries or questionning the existing framework that comprises the genre, and this is the fruit of Dave Sealey's art.

However, inspite of this amateur first impression, Dave shows a very confident congruency in style which is often somehow lacking in a lot of amateur artists. He has a fresh voice and the means to develop and own this sub-genre of photoshop orthodox surrealism and with the right motivation I honestly think this guy has it in him to make a name for himself.

What a Numpty!!

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#I love you, yes I do, gonna get Orange to buy this phone for me#

Apparently, If I were a Disney princess...

... I'd be cinderella:

You are Cinderella. You are hard-working and never complain, however, your trust is sometimes misplaced and people sometimes take advantage of you. Still, you are beautiful inside and out, and one day you will realize it and find true love.

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#I love you, yes I do, gonna spend all my money on you#

Tobin Florio

Guy I work with does art - really beautiful stuff I think.

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Re: Launch of Bright Ideas Trust

Dear Mr Cameron

Or should I say `Dear oh Dear, Mr Cameron`. We've done it again haven't we?! Another pitiful policy that highlights what is indeed a poor show of political leadership.

About it: Let me make no bones: you are not my favourite person in: politics. Infact that is unfair, I find you less disagreeable than Hitler, Bush Jnr, Mugabe, Mo Molam, Stalin and Putin. For this reason I am offering you a superb opportunity. Oh yes, I am offering to coach you on how to lead a nation as great as Britain! (You are welcome to use that soundbite in a speech if you like).

I am prepeared to teach you about how to make a speech, how to make good policies and how to defeat suiside bombers with race relations alone. I would be loathed to call myself a spin Dr. merely because the name implies I am qualified at giving medical advice and treatment; let me make this absolutely clear from the start: I am not the man to ask about any medical questions - you will need a medical doctor for that. You will understand why when you meet me but I digress.

If you are serious about becoming Prime Minister, then you need to stop fannying around and get on my team, sonny jim! The time is NOW to choose who to follow. If you keep following the electorate consensus or principles of progressive liberal democracy in sound economic and social climates, then you are a bigger fool than I thought. A fool of Politics (to coin a phrase)

`What's in it for me?` I hear you pump. The answer is simple. I am a charitable man, and I can see clear as christmas that you need help - hoh yes, you need help my man. You need my help indeed.

To speak to me further, feel free to email back to this address or my mobile number is [][][]. If you wanted to speak face to face, you can find me in the Bathroom section of the Hall Road B&Q in Norwich.

Remember: I haven't offered this opportunity to anybody, Mr Cameron, I've offered it to you... I've offered it to you.

Yours sincerely
Mr Ben Foster (GNVQ)
B&Q Qualified Sales Advisor and Pricing Champion.
Spin Therapist

A Shameful Mistake

15/04/2007
To:
Dave Garcia
Thomas Foster
Oliver Letwin
Lauren Manning
Alistair Brown
Laura Brown

Hello, fellow Weddingees (Loz, JD, Fosterious, Garcia, Rt. Hon. Oliver Letwin Member of Parliament for West Dorset and Conservative Policy Director, La, Big Al the Fist)

After consultation with the young lady we think this is a planish plan of the wedding day. Logisics of the morning are quite tricky so if there is any problems, you should probably let us know nowish.

Keep it real

benv
Enc - spreadsheet of plan for wedding morning

---

15/04/2007
To:
Dave Garcia
Thomas Foster
Oliver Letwin
Lauren Manning
Alistair Brown
Laura Brown
CC:
David Cameron

Dear everybody,

You will notice in my previous email, I added Rt. Hon. Oliver Letwin Member of Parliament for West Dorset and Conservative Policy Director as a fellow weddingee. Please note that this was a shameful (bad) mistake on my part and one I am activly making every effort to correct.

On behalf of myself, I would like to apologise for the complete and utter shameful waste of time this has been to Mr Letwin, and to all you other weddingees for having to read this email.

Despite my mistrust of the man, as a gesture of goodwill toward King Ollie Lettaz, I have copied this email to Dave `a-bit-wierd` Cameron in case the trully brilliant Letwin is questioned on wasting time with me. For the record, Oliver has had (thus far) no involvement with either this wedding or any other engagement with myself. Infact, for the record, Mr Cameron while I have your attention I think you're quite terrible at everything and `Webcameron` is rubbish. Also your frankly racist policy on the NHS does you no credit and the day you get in power is the day I'll rue (not look fondly upon)! In short, to summarise, to conclude and to sum up I think you should abdicate your position to Mr Letwin (or Mr Osbourne if you want to settle for second best). This is of course your decision, but let us hope a seed has been planted - hey?

Yours sincerely

Ben Foster (GNVQ)
B&Q Fully Qualified Salesperson and Pricing Champion

CC, Dodgey Dave Cameron

Hagar the Horrible

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101 Jobs I Hate...

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1. Cleaning pasta out of non-stick pans
2. Eating my carbs (booooooooooooooooooooooring food!)
3. Tidying the front yard [bit]