iBlog: October 2006


Tomorrow's blog today

Friday, October 27, 2006

Water Companies 'n' That

``Anglia Water`` are a right bunch of narnas! Aparently we can't get anyone else to suply us water because *mocking voice* :

`oh, we're the only people who can supply to your house because we're the best and everyone loves us and we won't let anyone else bill you and you have no choice but to choose us because we're excellent and your duty in life is to pay too much on your water to us!`.

They're a bunch of sods is what they are!

They said they'd fit a meter for free, so I asked for them to do that and I'm going to carry on paying a fixed rate because they deserve me to waste their time, just like they waste my blog entry.


Utilities 'n' That

Today is the one year anniversary of Laura and me living together. W00t!

Okay, in April, I wrote this, a list of (nearly) ten things I wanted to do before I was thirty. Only have ten years to go before this happens so I made a start this afternoon.

Listy list:
1) Get Blood out of a stone and write a book about it (Bonus if forward by J.Lo afterthought: will settle for P.Diddy).

2) Have sex while playing Goldeneye.

3) Hypnotise the mayor of Norwich.

4) Invent a cerial that makes the eater invisible (Bonus if it's proper healthy).

5) Work out the difference between a green and white Parliamentory paper.

6) Understand how the electricity bill is calculated.

7) Use the words `Testosterone`, `Accrostick` and `Porcelain` in the same sentence (conversationally) without using conjenctions.

8) Have the term `thank you` made into one word.

9) Get married to La and don't piss her off so much she leaves.


Because we've been with [e]npower for a 365 days, they said we'd get £57.50 for free for some sort of loyalty for the year, so I've waited until today before seeing if there was any cheaper utility suppliers. I've been on a bit of an adventure finding out point 5) on my list.

The reason the bill says the gas charges are:
481 kWh at 2.980p per kWh
2159 kWh at 1.550p per kWh

not because we have two gas pipes like I thought, but because after a certain point they charge us LESS for the amount we use!

Who the bloody hell is going to work that out!?

Lekkie turned out to be more easier - there's a number on a box under the stairs that you just tell the nice chap. I assume that's how many litres of electricity we've used... But even that has a `day` rate and `night` rate that isn't talked about on the bill.

Anyhoo, Atlantic Electric and Gas are frikkin' well good to change to. They've saved us £182.15 a year, had awesome customer service*, save 10% at argos and homebase as well as building up points for them an airmiles, save 3% on having both gas and lekkie, 12% on gas and electric by paying by DD.... oh, and I got through to the call centre straight away. Only bad thing is they don't have a green tariff.

I don't normally recommend companies as I think advocating capitolist pollution is camp, but I'd reccomend giving them your bell on 08457444555.

Now off to find someone cheaper than ... *checks filing cabinet* ... ``Anglian Water``?? (I've never heard of them - how lame is that)


* in your worship leading face, Monty! You mocked me for this but I emailed AE&G saying how good Lindsay on ext 31942 was! She said if I was confused again I could ring her even if I was with another supplier. Perhaps she wanted me in a sexual context :s

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Worst Lyrics Ever

Mark bluetoothed this to me, I hope it was meant to be a joke!

Millions of people lookin' for love
Is it a secret from heaven above?
Willing, waiting, wishing for more
Will somebody save me, and unlock my heart.

Seasons are changing the passage of time
Living in sequence don't step out of line
Can everyone see this? Is everyone blind?
And walk through the darkness, just follow the line

See what I say I say what I see
Is everything seeming so differ-a-rent to me
I said what I saw and I saw what I said
Coming in different and running the high
We've been running on the wall crushing paper doll
Pages fall apart
I just can't shake you from my head - no
All the things you said, they only break my heart

Step out of your comfort and into your dears
Jump through windows sucking up tears
Reason with knowledge, changing the gears
Remember be honest, forget all those years

Remember that first kiss when time was lost in love
Recall my fingertips caress your neck and pick your bits

Fade chorus to end


`Paper Dolls` by Renee Renee

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

UEA Entry Exam For Sociology

You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly to Qualify.

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions. OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army (d) WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope? (Check only one) (a) Jewish (b) CATHOLIC (c) Hindu (d) Swedish (e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 1?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (Approximate)

8. What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (C) NORTHERNERS

9. Spell -- CAT, DOG, PIG

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

Excuse Language

A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends. After a while of shooting pool and drinking, he whispers something to his friends. A few minutes later he walks over to the bartender and asks for a shot of tequila. After he takes the shot he says to the bartender,'' I'd like to make a bet with you.'' The bartender replies, ''Sure I'm in a betting mood.''

So the man bets the bartender $1,000 that he can piss in the shot glass placed all the way across the room and fill it up and not spill a drop. The bartender says, ''I'll take that bet.''
So the man walks to the other side of the room and places the shot glass down. He goes back to the bartender and starts pissing. He doesn't even get a drop in. He pisses all over the place. In the bartender's face, all over the barstools and everything.

After he was done pissing, the bartender laughed and said, ''You owe me $1,000.'' The man paid the money with a big smile on his face. The bartender asked, ''How come you're so happy?'' The man replied, ''You see those five guys over there by the pool table? I bet them $300 each that I could piss all over your bar and you'd laugh about it.''

Last Night I Dreamt I Went to Camp Awesome...

... And all the leaders were bullying me. Especially Phil!

Also From The Telegraph Today

[tv] Standards plummeted in 1969 with Curry and Chips, which was branded as racist after Spike Milligan blacked up to play an Asian-Irish factory worker nicknamed Paki Paddy.


Australians have been told they should not sing in the shower as it wastes water.

Sex 'n' That

One in eight women between the ages of 16 and 50 had no sex in the past year while the vast majority had only one partner

- Telegraph

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Cancer Is Rubbish!


Friday, October 20, 2006


Come on, Buddha - Big blow for daddy.

But the crowd kept shouting `We want Brownabbus!`.

Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani!

all pics from

More Matt

Thursday, October 19, 2006

The Environment 'n' That

The Wastelands is my friend Helen's blog what I didn't know existed on waste, recycling and sustaining the earth's resources... So it was a surprise to find this blog lurking away. Helen's normal blog is here: Just Fine And Dandy.

I don't know where I stand with all things environmental. I squash milk bottles so they take up less room, only fill the kettle with the water I need, don't leave the TV and we're about to sign up for British Gas' Green tariff. But I'd be reluctant to actually go out of my way to stop people from frogging up all over the planet.

It's quite strange because I absolutely love England's green and pleasant lands with Derbyshire hills - and the few parts of Scotland I've seen have been breath taking as well. If half the world is as beautiful as the natural parts of it I've seen then I recon it's worth fighting for, and to irreversably loose it would be beyond lamentation.

But land prices are increasing at an alarming speed leaving La and I unable to afford a mortgage. In this society I think the demand for land has a higher price than value of its conservation. Urbanisation and the increase of capitolism has proved itself invaluable for the future of this country so I think the world has basicly found itself over populated and over demanding of it's natural resources. If this leads to a play off between nature and industy, which it almost certainly will, then I fear we may well loose the beauty of God's creation.

The thing is, I think I'm in the same boat as virtually everyone in the country. I do have a responsibility for the natural world, and I think to some extent I also have a debt for the stupidity those with more toxicity than sense! But I also have a responsibility to my household and to my work etc, and many times, the environmental approach isn't necessarily ignored, it's just sadly lower down on the list of things to do in a day.

I can only imagine this planet getting worse and worse off, and so long as people have cars when they dn't need them or throw away things they can recycle or this country's power is exacebated by cheap gas pipelines with Scandenavia, I don't envisage a happier planet. I see my responsibility to do my effort to minimize the damage that's caused to the earth due to me, and stay mindful and enthusiastic of environmentalist issues.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006


... So we shot him and mounted him on this piece of old wood.

Hi, Barry Scott Here!

Ladette To Lady

Robert Jackman wrote this article about The TV programme Ladette To Lady.

He takes the view that the programme is a snobbish cultural surpression of the lower classes and the makers/teachers/``hair-gelled apes in... tweed-clad bourgeois`` are hypocrites for doing so.

I think, for once in my life, I'm going to disagree with someone else's view. For a start, Jackman's opinion that the programme is a transgression of the principles of human rights is misinformed at best. The girls in the programme are allowed to leave at any time. Nor are they forced to engage in being a lady.

The programme has a goal of equiping girls of a different class and upbringing into the customs and manorisms of a more elect one. If they are expelled from the house then that is merely means they're slow or reluctant to learn these new ways. To compare that to Orwellian mind control is rediculous. In the dystopic novel `1984`, the citizens of Oceana were only allowed freedom from prison [Ministry of Love] after their `reeducation`. In this context, like Jackman said, reeducation is indeed discomforting and horrifying.

But is `reeducation` quite so discomforting and horrifying if those privy to the system volunteer to be so? I can only imagine Jackman has only watched a clip of the programme as he's obviously missed the girls' passion for more respectability and honour. In the first programme, they were taught to respect themselves sexually: `you must put a value on yourself`. To the promiscuous ladette in the group, this was a revellation. I don't think you can say with or without Christian morals it's a bad thing that the programme makes the women value themselves more and allow them the freedom to think of themselves as more than some random guy's sex doll.

But also, are the ladettes really changing? Or are they just learning the skills how to cook and how to dance? My take is that these ladettes don't have the basic skills to socialise without alcohol or have the restraint to *court* gentlemen without offering themselves in some way. My thruppence are this programme is a wonderful opportunity for boys/girls everywhere to know they're not defined by their class and more importantly, that they are worth more than they think they are. Also I think the programme is an education that binging and promiscuity are mere temporal `joys` and the skills learned as being ladies are more perennial and ultimately more fulfilling.

So is this merely harmless entertainment? No, it’s quite the opposite. It’s a stark reminder of the need to place ethical shackles on reality television. It’s a sadistic display of the infallibility of reality television. If such brainwashing and degrading treatment was being practiced in a Middle Eastern state then everyone would be quick to label it an appalling abuse of ‘human rights’, but since it’s all in the name of reality television, it’s just good primetime entertainment. - Robert Jackman

Funny thing is, the same reasons Jackman objects to the programme are some of the reasons I think it's good entertainment. The only unethics of the programme are the low values and lack of self esteem the girls have for themselves at the beginning, and their constant regressions back to them now and again. To mould these girls into looking like ladies is not an abuse of `human rights`, would Jackman say the same if they did all the cooking and cleaning in chav clothes? Perhaps it's difficult for our culture to come to terms with the disapparation of personal identity, which is what's going on in this programme. The girls are denied their clothes, often their vernacular, their habits and as a result, they're changing, developing.

There's no shame in being the `lowest` of society (and I don't think it's judgemental to say that most people would say that these people would be called `slags` outside of teleland), but I think the point in Ladette to Lady is showing the girls not only that there's more to life, but more to themselves. There was a similar programme called Bad Lads Army (or something) where convicts and chav men re-enacted national service and the discipline, exercise and self value made them to change for the better. So I ask you, what's wrong with tough love? What's wrong with offering someone the chance to change? What's wrong with offering someone the tools to go about life with confidence, self respect and dignity. After all, isn't that viewer wants for themselves?

Monday, October 16, 2006

Lily Allen speaking sense in her profanities...

from Everything's Alright (or something like that)

Oh Jesus Christ almighty,
Do I feel alright? No not slightly,
I wanna get a flat I know I can't afford it,
It's just the bureaucrats who won't give me a mortgage,
Well it's very funny cos I got your fucking money,
And I'm never gonna get it just because of my bad credit
Oh well I guess I mustn't grumble,
I suppose that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Random Thought

So I understand the kind of superstructure of theology being this:

- Man's first sin made him eternally impure and *sinful* (even though it was women's fault!)
- God gave the law of Moses in the Pentatuke to outline what we should do and what we do to apease God of said sins
- Jesus died to take punishment of those sins which means we `can have life and life in abundance`

My thinking has always been `okay, that's cool so I don't have to do all these stupid rules of the old Testament` but I've just thought: surely that's not the case at all...

Surely we should still strive not to do all those things we were told not to do (or not do) in Leviticus because it's not the rules from which we were liberated from but the consequence.

If any clever chaps want to answer this, I'd be very grateful

Friday, October 13, 2006

Tarintino Christians

Am going to Crag Baker (Baxter)'s partae this evening which should be coool, but am gonna be in a room full of Christians! argh!

Might just throw on a wwjd bracelet and sit in a corner hoping they don't come up to me with tracts 'n' that.

I think Christians would jsut whither away after a while if they was in the same room for too long... they'd crawl on the floor after a week ghasping `Need... someone... to... preach... to!`... That is unless they didn't have a new song every fortnight to be interested in.

And think of the number of accoustic guitars and three chord choruses too! It'll be like some sort of tribal war cry of `hallelujahs` and `hosanna!`s with the hands in air dance... and if it's special Christians, they'll have flags, and the soul-thirsty will foam at the mouth with their tambourines singing about sunbeams and sheep.

Perhaps I should just turn up wearing an ACDC shirt and shout in a loud voice ``Does anyone know where I can accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Saviour?``

and then laugh at the stampede.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The below is an article from the telegraph of a repot by the Church of England of the government's preferrential treatment to Muslims and Islam, and the fabrication and effect of multi-culturalism.

I'm thinking Helselata might disagree with this, so it would be interesting to hear her views, but I have a feeling that this is one of those `were all thinking it!` moments, but I stand to be corrected... If you feel comfortable commenting, what do you all think?

Drive For Multi-Faith Britain Deepens Rifts Says Church
Johnathan Wynn-Jones

The Church of England has launched an astonishing attack on the Government's drive to turn Britain into a multi-faith society.

In a wide-ranging condemnation of policy, it says that the attempt to make minority "faith" communities more integrated has backfired, leaving society "more separated than ever before". The criticisms are made in a confidential Church document, leaked to The Sunday Telegraph, that challenges the "widespread description" of Britain as a multi-faith society and even calls for the term "multi-faith" to be reconsidered.

Mosque minaret
The Church says 'privileged attention' has been given to the Islamic faith

It claims that divisions between communities have been deepened by the Government's "schizophrenic" approach to tackling multiculturalism. While trying to encourage interfaith relations, it has actually given "privileged attention" to the Islamic faith and Muslim communities.

Written by Guy Wilkinson, the interfaith adviser to the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, the paper says that the Church of England has been sidelined. Instead, "preferential" treatment has been afforded to the Muslim community despite the fact that it makes up only three per cent of the population. Britain remains overwhelmingly a Christian country at heart and moves to label it as a multi-faith society suggest a hidden agenda, it says.

The leaked report follows a week of tension in which a Muslim policeman was excused armed guard duty at the Israeli embassy in London, Asian and white youths clashed in Windsor, and Jack Straw suggested that Muslim women should not wear the full veil across the face in public.

The report lists a number of moves made by the Government since the London bombings in July last year to win favour with Muslim communities. These include "using public funds" to fly Muslim scholars to Britain, shelving legislation on forced marriage and encouraging financial arrangements to comply with Islamic requirements. These efforts have undermined its interfaith agenda and produced no "noticeable positive impact on community cohesion", the Church document says.

"Indeed, one might argue that disaffection and separation is now greater than ever, with Muslim

communities withdrawing further into a sense of victimhood, and other faith communities seriously concerned that the Government has given signals that appear to encourage the notion of a privileged relationship with sections of the Muslim community."

Insiders at the House of Bishops meeting last week, where the briefing paper was "well received", say it marks a radical departure from the Church's usually diplomatic relations with the Government on the multi-faith issue. One bishop said it was the first time the Church had launched such a defence of the country's Christian heritage.

The paper, entitled Cohesion and Integration – A briefing note for the House [of Bishops], argues that the effort invested in trying to integrate Muslims since the London bombings has had no positive impact on community relations and that Ruth Kelly's controversial Commission on Cohesion and Integration seems doomed to fail.

It can also be revealed that the archbishop met Miss Kelly, the Communities Secretary, last month to discuss how the Church of England could contribute. Bishops are dismayed that no Christian denomination is represented on the commission.

The bishops' document questions how effective it will be and says the focus for solving the problem should not be placed on one particular minority but "with the 'majority' communities and in the core culture".

"In relation to faith, there has been a divided, almost schizophrenic approach," the briefing paper says. The Government was misguided in "scapegoating the Muslim community as the source of the problem at the same time as believing that they should be uniquely responsible for solutions". It goes on: "The contribution of the Church of England in particular and of Christianity in general to the underlying culture remains very substantial."

The 2001 census showed that 72 per cent of Britons describe themselves as Christian. "It could certainly be argued that there is an agenda behind a claim that a five per cent adherence to 'other faiths' makes for a multi-faith society," says the document.

Mr Wilkinson, who was an archdeacon in Bradford during the riots of 2001, says the Government is wrong to see faith as the cause of a divided society.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The Bill of Rights II Amendment and the North Korean Exception

Kim Jong-il, it seems, has approached the international chess board with a full set of queens and an RPG. As any chess player knows, tactfulness is a difficult neccessity even when your against an equal. But an imminent check mate is different from an likely check mate and with the Western world screaming `Go Democracy, Go!` civilised culture boasts its own political indemnity in the UNGA and (ever loquacious) USA. Maybe this counter military stockpile, and dress rehersal in Iraq, suddenly reveals Kim Jong-il's queens as more of a means of defence than the WMD offensive becomming of Bush's Axis of Evil.

According to ITN and BB[P]C news, this unlevelling of the playing field makes North Korea `a threat`, but the man with .30 caliber rifle is no more deadly than the .44 Magnum. What makes a weapon deadly is the mania of the trigger finger.

Being the third most sinister *regime* on Bush's Axis of Evil this is what we, as moral absolutes, inherantly think of Kim Jong-il :

`[Our goal] is to prevent regimes that sponsor terror from threatening America or our friends and allies with weapons of mass destruction. Some of these regimes have been pretty quiet since September the 11th. But we know their true nature. North Korea is a regime arming with missiles and weapons of mass destruction, while starving its citizens.` - George Bush in 2002

And unlike Iraq, whose charge was `a regime that has something to hide from the civilized world`, it seems like at least one of the three *regimes* of the axis is actully evil enough to merit its infamy. And despite the current lack of evidence of complicity between Iraq, Iran and N.Korea (the composite *regimes* of the axis), the world's biggest arms dealer (the USA) loses its apetite for armis when it discovers the Sword of Damocles placed by these very axis monkies.

But like I said, the gun is only as formidable as the pernicious intentions of the hand it's in. Ping Pong-il can point as many warheads at as many countries as he likes, but he has no purpose in making sport of his enemies; and even less reason to provoke them to international media focus.

Assuming Ping Pong-il has as much sense of governence as a need to go to Specsavers, what he needs is a deterrent against Sadam's fate; not a machine to antagonise the West! According to the CIA World Factbook North Korea's ecconomy is very insular and requires negligable international trade, and let's face it if we look at modern day China, the West has no quarrel with trading with communism anyway! So I'm guessing Ping Pong-il has just a little too much power, land, political stability and legacy for a double or quits against the united military powers of Japan, China, the UN Defence Council & militarty adept member states, South Korea and anyone else who fancies a share in the liberation of a third of the globe's axis of evil.

North Korea has told the West that they have tested a nuclear device, but not confirmed the size... they have made a scarey shock wave across the geography and media of the rest of the world and asserted itself as a capably armed objector to the principles of democracy. While North Korea has all the insular assets it needs, my two pence are that this dash for nuclear armourment is nothing more than North Korea puffing up it's chest against it's objectors... an exposition of patriotism and self assertion as a country and a power: not just a *regime* that topples in a haze of Western moral glory like Iraq. N.Korea has always held true to a veneer of prosiac repose and even Blue Peter's trip to South Korea mentioned the sinister but low-key repute of its Northern counterpart.

So are Bush's sanctions necessary?

I don't think there's anything wrong with the UNGA asserting itself as an international super power, and I think it's better to make the mistake of proscribing a barely evil regime than the bigger mistake of burying heads in sand and waiting for Krystal Nacht at the diplomatic expense of an eviler one. Long may the infiltration of political centrality continue and so long as globalisation grants us world wide economic co-operation, long may humanitarian dependency be placed on the middle liberalists of the West.

Just to Make Tim Reeves Happy...

I changed the banner of my blog to include a spelling disclaimer.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Am I being cynical...

Gary Barlow has released an autobiography and it's called My Take - that's a rubbish title for an autobiography!

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Yay for...

Being £170 in credit with NPower, then them giving us £50 at the end of this month!

Monday, October 02, 2006

Thumbs up for Neighbourhood Watch

Object Ye!

This an extract from a Christian propagander(Sp?) tract from 1984 about the inexplicable dangers of the game Dungeons and Dragons.

If you dislike Benny Hinn as much as me, this caption is self revealing

Benny Hinn Caption

``Who's your daddy now, gentiles!``

Benny Hinn Caption

```For Canadian Viewers... I'm getting sick of telling you all I don't take Amex! Don't make me come up there...``