iBlog: July 2005


Tomorrow's blog today

Saturday, July 23, 2005

More pet hates

- Germans
- Buskers in Norwich
- Suisuside bombers being lesbian
- Vomitting my own bile
- Blink 182
- Packing for living away
- Being eighteen
- World poverty
- Being allergic to Jelly Babies
- The way guitar strings take ages to settle when they're first strung
- Not being near my computer for a week
- Not being married
- Dodgey kebabs
- Playing drumfills too fast
- The film Big Fish
- Benny Hinn and people who slag off Benny Hinn
- Not being able to think of any more pet hates
- French

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Pet hates

in no particular order:

- the French
- my tooth that doens't like McFlurries
- working
- war
- creases in shirts
- the French
- bottled water that tastes minging
- people starving in the world
- mono sound from audio things
- digging through clay
- statistics
- people killing and saying it's for a holy cause
- snickers bars
- unarticulated writing
- the French
- chavs
- French chavs
- not having a 3d graphics adapter!
- fascists
- people who spell shoes `shuz` and think it's cute
- Dale Winton
- French....... erm........... people
- bbc3
- people who pronounce schedule `skedule` not `shedule`
- prolog programming
- people from Yorkshire
- First year A level chemistry
- wearing hats
- the elderly on busses
- the French
- Microsoft
- modern fiction
- French modern fiction

Monday, July 11, 2005

Rage Against Beige stuff

Rargh. Today was rather busy I must say.

Okay, here's another ten point summary
1- woke up
2- went to Park (my church)
3- drummed, but not terribly well
4- Markus and I went photgraphing round norfolk
5- went to Awesome
6 to 10 - more stuff I'm too lazy to write (it's 1.40am atm)

Okay, about Awesome:
It was.... normal Audacious self. But God was really there which was lovely. Lol, I guess it was kinda surreal being sandwitched between two of my old `sexual partners` from the days of yore, and made it v difficult to focus! (look at me - breaking taboos like there's no tommorow!).

But despite my lack of extroverted hand-waving holiness, God was gracious and spoke to me and blessed me anyway (while I stood looking moody and thinking moany thoughts!!). I felt such an incredible urge to share a word I had which was so relevant, but the long and the sort and the inbetween of it was that I just didn't have the guts. Besides, this is me, so I'd have forgotten it by tomorrow anyway!

I guess I learned that no matter what state our heart is in, and no matter how awkward a situation feels, the big guy is always above all that. Actually it was only recently, I had reveletion of just how true that is. Can't remember exactly, but it was about God knowing what provision to give not only physically, but in spite of our mental blocks n stuff. (I'm well dead holy I am me).

Perhaps I should devote more time to Him though, I mean, He sure as hec is worth it! Mmm, but I guess in some respects, my fantasies are far removed from the actual state of my own apathy.

Oh well - am dead a head of it me.

mer, too tired to blog any more unarticulatedly, so I shall download a couple more photos Markus and I tooked today and retire to my boudware. (too lazy to watch Dogma tonight)

Saturday, July 09, 2005

The Enchanting Tale of Barryhandbag....

About fiftysix and a half years ago, while walking through the rainforrests of Borneo and Germany (who's respective land masses were later to be named `the land of the rising sun` - who's english translation is identical to that of it's origional name), my friend Shona and I, noticed a poor little defenceless little creature lying in its hammock screaming obscenities about the tribe of Benjamin at all who walked past.

Offended at such anti-sematism, yonder Shona and I, picked up this poor creature, who we now knew to be an aligator (we could tell it wasn't a crocodile cuz it had guy bits). However, inspite of all our expectitions for yonder aligator to scream more racial slurs and social slanders - the young grubby obscene specamin was most amiable - as was the aligator.

After taking it home to meet mother (who at that time was made purely of bamboo), Shona and I decided to name our finding after the two nouns of which it reminded us both:
Shona - `I thought it reminded me of a gentleman from Liverpool, what with the beard 'n' all, so I named it barry`
Ben - `Yonder alogator reminded me of a handbag`
And so it was, our new pet/friend was named, Barryhandbag. (not cross hyphonated, I might add).

And so it was - Barryhandbag grew stronger and less conservative as the days wore on. Shona tought it kickboxing and swearing, while I tought it to sing German liede singing and ballet dancing, all the time, both of us learning from its wisdom on `nineteen-twenties hat localities`, which evolved later into the phrase

`Where is thyne hat??`

When Barryhandbag was two years old (about four years after we discovered him), he flew the nest - off to explore all the world had to offer. (This came as something as a shock to us, as we never noticed his wings, but he concelaed them well udner his Skull-cap (kippur) - it should be noted at this point, Barryhandbag became fully Jewish).

The next account of events has been compiled, to date, based purely on his correspondants to us and occasional carrier budgie.

The most striking event which happened, was his species-change. While in the `Munich Expressive Dance Artillery Batillion - 206`, inspired by a gust of wind in the shape of a moose, Barryhandbag chose to adopt this path as a means to better himself - here's what he wrote to us:
``Dear all,
Under close examination - and having my opinion seconded by a reputable doctor of medicine - i must despondantly conclude I am not a Moose of any kind.
Upon seeing the beauty of the wind the other day, I must only conclude, that my calling in life is to be the world's first Jewish Aligator to become a Moose.
I do most sincerely hope you support me in this trying time.
warmest regards - Bazza
p.s - i shot a man for the coffe he was offering me - I think the expressive arts army has made me agreessive
p.p.s - Did i leave my sweater in the top drawer. I know it's only a triffling matter, but dear folkes, try to find aligator menswear department in this John Lewis, and one is really at a loose end!``

And so it was, that Barryhandbag went in for his species change operation. Alas, not going private, there was a problem with the head department, and to ut short a very long story, only half the operation was done, so, he emerged a half aligator; half Moose hybrid.

not dispamyed (and in my opinion, possibly even excited at the alteration), Barryhandbag tried out for the International Endangered Animal Olympics (the IEAOs) in Swansea, Here, he won a gold in the high jump, but lost out to silver in the 15.6 meter relay race, to a Mallard with fourteen legs.

Dismayed, and lonely at this, Barryhangbag became a recluse for many years, offering himself without shame to any one willing to pay - but obviously this was not a frequent occourence. Finding no other way to fund his acting addiction, he bought the London Palladium and went broke as a result. It is now rumoured that Barryhandbag haunts the cast of all who perform in the theatre stealing roses from the encores for food.

As for me, I think he's right where he should be, back to nature, working at Argos.

What cam we learn from poor Barryhandbag's tale of woe?

I dunno, ask Shona, she's the clever one

Friday, July 08, 2005

``Freedom, is an expensive commodity``

I just watched `Beyond Borders`, and thought it was cathertic enough to blog on before I lay me down to sleep. (I appologise if this is all unstructured, but it's very late/early right now).

Moving though it was, and all in all, grittily real, I can't help but feel a certain reluctance to allow my emotions to be driven by hollywood. Yet, in spite of my reservations, I think I'll choose to not let this unreliable 2.30am melancholy-ardor for my Swaziland go by unnoticed.

`Freedom is an expensive commodity`. I'm wholly unsure as to whether this statement holds true, or in which context. Either way, the more one dotes on the world past Yately, the more one's rosy eyed view of `Born Free` is brutally displaced by harsh reality that the uncivilized world serves subject to the tyrants who run it. The DVD gave examples of Ethiopia, Cambodia and Chechnya, but this it doesn't take a lot of delving through the recent BBC news archives to find just as sickening stories as I found out two drugged young girls (seven and nine years of age) are ushered into a hotel room in Cambodia or $60 for some sick paedo's amusement. What sickens me most about the state the world's in at the moment is not the suffering that goes on amidst our kind, but the callousness shown to fellow man by his counterpart.

Another, far more heavy thought who's fancy was tickled by the film, was the question of how readily would I leave everything to go live out there - in the midst of it all. (see, I'm so Westernised, I can't even bring myself to name the attrocities!). I mean, my biggest love in my world is my PC followed by mates (if I happen to have any friends reading this, it's a jok!), followed by my God (if any of my gods are reading this, again, I jest), followed by all the culture around - the galleries, the literature, the photography of nature. I love the nyfc forum, the bbc news coverage, the forum in Norwich, my mp3 collection, my minidisc player, my phone.... How readily would I give that all up, just to become someone's servant `out there`? how easily would I surrender England for Swaziland? It upsets me to know, that the answer is, `not easily enough`. Which, I guess is why I'm still here, left with my materialism being eroded by my passion to go into the world with the banner of Christ and bring forth His soothing hands. I'm no Reinharde Bonke - I don't seek to heal and evangelise every tribe I meet; I'm no Benny Hinn - I don't seek to make an orphanage in memory of every child I meet. My profession, so far as God and I choose to see it is concerned with nothing more than to comfort those who are needy and ease the suffering of the people. To know people by name. to be the last hand they hold in the world... but most of all, just to be the humblest, meekest servant of the hurting and the dying.... and the more I gaze in utter Love at my PC (and, I honestly Love it), I can't see that happening.

the last time I seriuosly thought about Africa and Swaziland I wrote this. Again, with everything I do, there's no copyright, but if you're a pianist, or a musician who can transcribe score, you're welcome to use and play this.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

An origional topic on which to blog

As the century draws on, I become more and more weary of those curious indescresions, most colloquially refered to as `the terrorist`. I can't say I'm sure as to what causes such people to cause destruction as seen in London today, Bali a few years back, and Manhattan some time before that, but f there's one thing of which I am sure, is that despite my relativist-humanitarian-liberalism, these fetters on civilized society should not escape the agglomerated force of the West, (as opposed to the coi enmity we show them right now, which, has made no move to capitulate their hostilities - much to the chagrin of the west, as we see today!)
However, despite the severe reservations I hold towards these [insert euphanism for `wankers` here], I cannot help but feel, these perennial emotions they bear towards the west can only be appeased by two ways:
``The cheap prices of its [the bourgeois'] commodities are the heavy artillery with which it batters down the Chinese walls, with which it forces the barbarians' intensely obstinate hatred of foreigners to capitulate. It compels all nations, on pain of extinction to adopt the bourgeois mode of production; it compels them to introduce what it calls civilization into their midst, i.e to become bourgeois themselves. In one word, it creates a world after its own image``.
- Karl Marx & Friedrich engels - from `The Communist Manifesto`.

What any self-respecting Marxist would argue is that by trade comes competition (leading to better, more efficient production) leading to a form of civilization in which, due to the nature of the all encompasing teamwork of production, draws in all peoples to itself. Therefore, from global trade and hard-core capitolism, all peoples can be translated into a form of civility which we can only witness around us by virtue of `the West`.
Are these terrorists beyond the invitations of the west into a relationship of trade and amiable ecconomics? All the spices, oil and perfumes, not to mention tourism the East can offer the West, and all the capitol the West can offer the East? I think there's a much deeper, saturnine side supporting the hostilities a handful of cultish members bear towards the West (and I don't think that's a result of religion!), which, actually, through a marvelous issue of serendepity, draws me into my next point... (I love the word serendepity).
The sapient dictum of the Great mister George W. Bush (against whom, I have no hang-ups) is of treating symptoms rather than causes of issues of great weight. As the great Carl said, Mister Bush, in the G8 mettings is only interested in treating the symptoms of the greenhouse effects, and slow to react to their causes. Also, in the just as pressing of global terrorism, one but cannot think he applies the same approach.
I began this post by saying I cannot understand what drives people to the lengths to which these `terrorists` go, but I definately think this (my second point) is of more worth than the tried and failed method of global capitolism to reach a means of peace on earth. (I've no intention of exploring what `peace` means in this post incidently). If we could, perhaps, understand what drives people to such measures, then, we are perhaps on the right line. My second year GCSE teacher of geography (by no means a man of great diplomacy) said this,
``A student I once had was tried for the army ground-technical support unit. At the recruitment/open day he asked the army representative whether he should study RE or electronics at higher education - to which the army guy replied `we will teach you all the electronics we need you to know, but we cannot teach you what drives a man to strap himself with explosives and walk into a foreign embasy` ``.
Okay, maybe that had more impact when I heard it, but in so many walks of life and professions, that holds true, not least for all the soigne diplomacy of mister Bush, and the rest of the Western intellegentsia united in this `war on terrorism`.

Hmm, actually, in retrospect, it would appear I am somewhat a hypocrite. My editorial in this issue? I think `terrorists` (per se) are, too stupid for ecconomics, too blinkered for empathy and too arrogant to restrict their distain within their own communities. Moreover, after all my time of musing, I'm slowly beginning to resign to the unoptimistic view that the West and the East (that is to say the West and the `terrorist`) are internecine - they are muturally destructive, not by their cultures, but by the very fabric of the thinkings woven into each society - the hedonistic self richeousness of the West and the patriotic trigger-happy approach of the East. These can only serve to anhiallate each other, which I think is why we cannot fight the issue on traditional thinking. As to the philosophy of `war-neuvelle` - I'm afraid, just right now, I'm somewhat clueless.
p.s - I'm aware that what i said in my first point isn't what Marxists believe, I just thought it was an interesting observation Marx and Engels documented.

Monday, July 04, 2005


This stems from a conversation i was having with the old man about a minute ago on power.
You should know, prior to readage of the hitherto post, he is a very conservative pro-capital punishment antiquated thinker, and I'm slightly more liberal, or more the the point, deeper thinking in my approach to the state and power. (At this point, I'm not endorsing or disparaging either view).

George Orwel's novel `1984` commented heavily on the state and the extreme socialist approach to governing society, moreover the absolute way of governing society (ie, the mannor whereby the state is all powerful, and the demographic are unquestioningly controlled by the state). At one point in the novel, a rebel of the party (Winston) is captured for his crimes against the state and during prolonged torture and punishment, his `mentor` (O' Brian) in the `re-eduation` explains the paradigms and philosophy behind the thinking of the society.

In reference to `power`, O'Brian explains it like this (not in these words obv)
Oceana [the state] has absolute power over all people. You may think it doens't but it does. Even the thoughts of the peoples, from the outer party to the proletariat are able to be monitored. We listen to the mumblings in your sleep, we watch your reactions on your face, we hear your every word, NOTHING you think or do can be escaped by the view of the party. for this reason, we have control. But when a person such as you, Winston, chooses to cast themselves adrift, we can heal you, we can take action. A weaker society kills off its adversaries. Oceana is not weak. We do not kill those who do not conform - rest assured, you WILL be killed, whether a year of ten years, we will kill you, but not before changing you to our way of thinking. You will confrom and BELIEVE it before you die..... therefore, we have ultimate power.

earlier in the novel, when Winston and his assosiate in crime (Julia) are discussing this, Julia says

They can't get inside you, in your mind, that's the part they can't reach.

but after interrogation by O'Brian, Julia concludes that the party does have control over that part of you.

therefore, I was thinking, is that not ultimate power.

the old man was talking as if he was using `power` and `control` synonymously, whereas I seemed to be using the word `power` synonymously with `influence`, but I think power is more than influence. (will come back to that point), firstly, I should like to adress the issue of power and control.

my Old man is a ships captain, therefore has `power` over an employee. eg, he can tell a man what to do, and has contorl over whether or not the man is fired... but is that power? or is it just the job/position to tell someone what to do? I don't think it's power. After all, he has the `power` to tell someone these things, but surely that power is only given to him by someone higher, therefore, power becomes transitional, and, after all - `transitional power` seems very much like an oxymoron to me!

But about power being the same as influence, again, I would disagree (though it seems a closer analysys than the above). Power can't be influence, as people choose their influences by means of role models, democracy, choosing one's job etc. None of these have true power, as they're given to the subject by the subject themselves.

therefore, is true power not the absolute over those whom it claims to power? Like Oceana and O'Brian - in that instance, the state not only controls the actions of the individual, not only their very thoughts, but, in all cases, the emotions of those over whom it has power (something I'm sure every extreme socialist would like!!). to me, this is power, as it's unrivaled and unparalleled.

On a side note, I think it was in Schindler's List (awful film IMO) where there was a conversation which went like:
guy 1 - I have power, I can kill a man
guy 2 - das ist nicht power!
guy 1 - Was ist das power?
guy 2 - a naughty man went to an emporer on the charge of murder, the guy expected to be hanged, and with every cause. On every circumstance before, the emporer had hanged murders. But to the surprise of the court and the bloke, the emporer didn't hang him, but let him go... that, my friend, is power.
guy 1 - that's well gay that is - i think you're drunk I do, me

I'm not sure that is power either.... that's just the control over a man's life (and that's life in the most clinical sense of the word), not over the man himself.

So this has me thinking, surely, the church is the most powerful institution in the world as it is the only institution to control not only the actions, but the thoughts and emotions over those it has power, rather than just telling people what to do or how to behave. I think perhaps this might be riveled by the army, as they force patriotism, and quash bad behaviour, but that's not from an implantable inner conviction, like the church places.

If anyone has any other thoughts on what power is or what it entails, then please comment

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Americans and perfecting the art of being a kn000b

bloody Americans have been anoying more than usual this week.

Firstly, the great mister H G Wells, an artist, a poineer, an expressionist, wrote an origional novel commmenting on sci-fi, human structure, human nature and universal hierachy (not to mention the imagery) in `War of the Worlds`... I saw the American version this evening, in which, rocket launchers and military fire power were of more effect on these supreme beings than the bacteria and micro-organisms as stateg by H G Wells.... I wonder if mister Spielberg actually understood the point of the book atal!?

This was more American assism which irritated me:
the teachings of George W. Bush (world's most powerful man)
- ``human activity, is at some extent to blame for carbon emissions``
- ``I will resist any deal which might reduce carbon emissions``
- ``I hope the G8 leaders will move past the Kyoto agreement`` (<- thing last decade to plan to cut carbon emissions ~ which everyone bar the US signed)
Agh, for goodnesssake, I jst hate mister Bish so much atm... there are sooooo many reasons he could and should cut down these emissions, and he's making it unfair on teh rest of the world. I supported him in Iraq, and was in favour of his re-election, but now, my support for him is wayning with the 02 proportions in the atmosphere!

too mad to post anything now, but if you're an American, get the hell of my blog!