iBlog: May 2006


Tomorrow's blog today

Tuesday, May 30, 2006


This is from the four rooms from Re:Jesus. It talks about the sanctuary being our lives and Jesus in them.

Where am I now?
Where is this space of light?
Or life - is it?
Peace... ful.
Can I dive into this water?
This sea of faith.
Will it wash me clean?
Refresh my life?
Can I climb down into this liquid tomb?
Loose myself for a while then burst out again.
The way they said Jesus broke out of the dark.
Mischeivous dolphin bursting from the deep.
Singing into life again.
I wouldn't know what to expect from Him.
But if this chamber of life is where I can find Jesus' suprising

... Will I be interested?
Who wouldn't?
Beyond death is beyond my experience.
Any experience.
A moment of time that makes a fool of history.
A brief second bigger than all the long centuries put together.

I see you differently now, Jesus
Outside the box.
Every box.
None keeps you.
If once You were more than life...
Perhaps now You are more than death.
Once in time, now more than all time.
As if You could just turn up, surprising me in my life.
As if You might be here now when i dare not expect You.
The way no one was expecting a ressurection.
The way you stunned them: a dolphin bolting from the deep blue.

And Your leaving words:
``I am with you... Always``
Words to calm a storm or conjure a planet.
Now always present. Never gone.

And Your leaving presents:
Gifts of bread and wine
Are these here for me? for us?

You shared meals with Your friends

Can You still surprise us in the everyday elements of Life?
The bread and wine of 24/7.

Are You present with us when we eat and drink?
Laugh or cry?

When we remember to mend your broken world.
When we stand with those who have forgotten.
Loosing our lives like you.
Only to find we burst again from the blue.
Singing a new life.

Can Your risen-from-deadness, raise us from deadness?
what are you saying to us now?
In this light space? this space called life?

Monday, May 29, 2006

Grr, can't thing of anything to blog!

Purple monkey dishwasher!

Friday, May 26, 2006


Today I did partae because I did find out the solution to my pickle.

... And it comes courtesy of the Phil:

Then they asked him, "What must we do to do the works God requires?"
Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent, for my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day."
And then the Phil and Ben of Norwich did reply "It's that simple!" John 6:28...

Christianity isn't about me serving God for the reward I reep - it's about serving God so He can reward me. I think I thought those two statements were parallels, whereas in reality, they couldn't be differenter. The first statement is a hedonistic approach to Christianity: Entering into a relationship for self satisfaction. The answer for which I was looking lies in the latter statement: Being wholly malleable for God and working out His plan for me so that God is glorified, and He can give me the blessings He wants to give me....

... God's answer to my prayer isn't a bonus for me, it's the norm for God.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Praise the Lord for laughter and Google

"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease
to be amused"

Q: How does the barber cut the Moon's hair?
A: E-clipse it!

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie into it!

Q: Why did the worker at the M&M® factory get fired?
A: He threw all the Ws away!

Q: What's a wombat for?
A: Playing womball!

Q: What's gray and has a trunk?
A: A mouse going on vacation!

Q: What's black, white, and terrifying?
A: A maths test!

Q: What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean?
A: "Try and be more Pacific!"

Q: What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved!

Q: What do farmers use to count their cows?
A: A cow-culator!

Q: What did one eye say to the other?
A: Don't look now, but something between us smells!

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef!

Q: What is the difference between a Quantum Theorist and a Beauty
A: The Quantum Theorist uses Planck's Constant as a foundation,
whereas the Beauty Therapist uses Max Factor. (that's worth looking into because it's so funny!!!)

Knock knock - who's there? - a little old lady - a little old lady who? - where did you learn to yodel?!

Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying
week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked, “Doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?”

Bobby said, “Yes, God did it and he did it left handed.”

This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him, “What makes you say God did
this with his left hand?”

“Well,” said Bobby, “we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's
right hand!”


Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.

"This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.

"Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head.

"Aw, c'mon, Dad..." Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he got, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do. The urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant and told him that he was sick and could not attend church. Then he packed up the car, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.

An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he's doing." God nodded in agreement.

The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung, and the ball sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A perfect hole-in-one. The preacher was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."

God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"



Tuesday, May 23, 2006

100 things about a man of intense roughage

This is curtesy of Harriet's Blog.

100 things about me

~ Basics~
1. Full Name: Benvolio Foster
2. Nicknames: Roughage Man; Benvolio; Bendy Ben; Xoxonbobbelox.
3. Birthday: 19 July 1987
4. Place of Birth: Norwich
5. Zodiac Sign: Cancer
6. Male or Female: Male if that's a question, female if it's an offer
7. Grade: Starting to think this is for wee littleuns
8. Where studying?: I'm far too clever for uni!
9. Occupation: (Ssh!)
10. Residence: North Norwich city Centre
11. MSN Screen Name: ``I've heard it said that He wastes nothing, so beautiful to behold. the author of my hope is life: the greatest story ever told`` (It's from Five Iron Frenzy :) )

~Your Appearance~
12. Hair Color: Brown/Black
13. Hair Length: short
14. Eye color: changes daily (I'm told)
15. Weight: 9 ½ st (I just weighed myself :) )
16. Height: 5'7"
17. Braces?: never – though I do like my suspenders
18. Glasses?: you bet your nelly
19. Piercings: yUk
20. Tattoos: horrid things
21. Righty or Lefty: Righty

~Your 'Firsts’~
22. First best friend: Richard Paul
23. First Award: :s
24. First Sport You Joined: Squash ( three weeks ago)
25. First pet: i doubt people care so go on a little
26. First Real Vacation: Scotland in September
27. First Concert: Superhero/United – can't remember which
28. First Love: love is a subjective term.

29. Movie: The Interpreter, Dogville, Finding Neverland
30. TV programme: Horizon
31. Colour: Green
32. Rapper: Snickers
33. Band: Five Iron Frenzy, foo'!
34. Song Right Now: Every New Day, Dandelions, Wizard Needs Food, badly (all by FIF)
35. Friends: Not popular enough.
36. Sweet: Wurthers Original, no matter how old I'm made by affiliation
37. Sport to Play: *scoff*
38. Restaurant: Pizza Hut *embarassment*
39. Favourite brand: Ben Sherman (or `Bench Herman` - a brand I'm going to make up and make millions form)
40. Store: D2 – cheap Ben Sherman or officers club
41. School Subject: Physics.
42. Animal: Monster
43. Book: `1984` - George Orwell, `To Kill a Minging Bird` - Harper Lee
44. Magazine: FHM
45. Shoes: Shiney Shoes *oooh*

46. Feeling: w00t!
47. Single or Taken?: Engaged (see q 46)
48. Have a crush: (ssh!)
49. Eating: Nothing, but just had last weetabix – La has a surprise in the morning – Muah ha ha!
50. Drinking: Water
51. Typing: Answer to q 51.
52. Online?: I'm doing this in Open office, so no, but my band is broad so yer i spose.
53. Listening To: Embrace (I'm filling this in from Harriet's answers and she mentioned them earlier so I whacked them on)
54. Thinking About: Toast
55. Wanting To: Put Five Iron Frenzy Back on
56. Watching: bleh for TV
57. Wearing: burberry, baseball cap, nike trainers. Just Kidding, I don't beat people up!

~Your Future~
58. Want Kids?: According to Gf, yer!
59. Want to be Married?: Yes.
60. Careers in Mind: My own business one day.
61. Where do you want to live: Norwich *cuddles Norwich*
62. Car: BMW z3 and to hell with people who call it a hairdressers car – it's sexy

~Which is Better With The Opposite Sex~
63. Hair colour: Ginger or Brunette
64. Hair length: Looong
65. Eye color: It's not the colour of an eye that's endearing.
66. Measurements: SI
67. Cute or Sexy: Cute
68: eyes or lips: Eyes
69. Hugs or Kisses: Both. A hug can mean as much as a kiss. (that was Harriet's answer and I'm gonna leave it there :) )
70. Short or Tall: shorty
71. Easygoing or serious: they're mutually exclusive?
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: Ditto
73. Fatty or Skinny: Grr, stop being superficial, silly question 73 or feel my wrath!
74. Sensitive or Loud: It matters?
75. Hook-up or Relationship: Relationship
76. Sweet or Caring: Caring
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: Hesitant one

~Have you ever~
78. Kissed a Stranger: Yes
79. Had Alcohol: Yes
80. Smoked: Mmmmm....
81. Ran Away From Home: Sorta.I moved out, but parents knew.
82. Broken a bone: Not one of my own
83. Got an X-ray: I think you mean `had an X-ray`, and the answer is `yes`.
84. Been with someone: Where?
85. Broken Someones Heart: To my chagrin...
86. Broke Up With Someone: Yuh-huh
87. Cried When Someone Died: Only when FIF split up – is that sad?
88. Cried At School: Yes

~Do You Believe In~
89. God: yup
90. Miracles: yes
91. Love At First sight: Yes
92. Ghosts: Only because it makes dark places interesting :)
93. Aliens: yEp
94. Soul Mates: what the chicken?
95. Heaven: Yes
96. Hell: Yes
97. Angels: Yes
98. Kissing on The First Date: n0pe
99. Horoscopes: nope
100: Sex at first sight?: *shocked and appalled*

Monday, May 22, 2006

Yer, I'll have a McBlog to go please, easy on the Awesome-Bashing


Of late, I've been finding worship and Christian life a little confusing/unsettling...

Here's my hypothesis...

If God is the everything in the universe, where does my worship fit in?

With the hinderence of perspective and the fact that each of us lives in our heads - worship can only be about us and can only draw out of our experiences thus making our worship person-centric.

Here's a thoguht pattern to a Ben prayer session:

- God, You're right big n that
- God, ta for my salvation and sorry for my sins
- God, grant me provision
- God thank you for the gifts you've given me
- *random God-centered thoughts on life*

Now, virtually all of that is centered around MY experiences with God or towads MY needs. Is it that I'm selfish and apply God to me as a priority - or is it a human trait to prayer?

My confusion/unsettledness stems from this: I don't want to be the centre of worship. I don't want my worship to be tainted by the blob of Ben that is me. I want God to be in all in my worship rather than the ultimate point of my worship.

(I can taste oregano in my mouth - I think it must amplify in flavour when caseroled - yuk)

I don't know if somewhere in the last few months my worship `pattern` has changed or if I've only just become aware of this, but much as God cares for me and wants to hear about my life n all that jazz, I'm tired of talking to Him about me. t must be like a call centre rep going to the managing director of Norwich Union for a new pencil... well, sort of.

Perhaps all you insightful ladels and lentilmen *snigger* could assure me I'm only being a spanner or if there's a cool worship paradigm of which I'm not yet aware, but that ends my bloggy blog.

Say good night to the nice people, roughage man... good night

What the hell...

... Was I going to blog on? I can't spiggin' remember!

love benvolio, x

p.s I like books

p.p.s - enjoy this from Five Iron Frenzy: A boy picks wild dandelions and gives them to his mother. But instead of seeing weeds, his mother cherishes them as a bunch of yellow treasure. And though we are not martyrs or saints, all we want to do is our best to Him - God still sees flowers in our weeds. (Please make time to read :-) )

p.p.s - I need to stop over-using hyphons - it's beyond a joke now - seriously - aarghrghr - it's like a drug!!

Saturday, May 20, 2006


Okay, now (as Helen observed) my ongoing rant on church culture is concluded I've decided to allow my precious thought times to divert to something else in the shower for blogulation.

I was trawling through the library the other day and found a book on Anarchism. (May the Lord bless and add onto libraries). I was intrigued as to the blurb which described Anarchism as `a practical political philosophy` so thought it would be worth a read.

Firstly, i'd urge y'all not to be detered by the bad reputation affiliated with the word `Anarchism` - it actually is a well thought through political manifesto and on paper it very nearly holds water.

I wouldn't say it's quite as insightful as the Communist Manifesto or as pragmatic as the Euston Manifesto, but certainly, for the points of view Nicholas Walter poses, it's worth a read. Here's a very brief account of some of the beliefs of Anarchists:

1- If man *needs* governing, then it's paradoxial for man to govern man.
2- Just as the society of old beleived birth, marriage, burial etc had to be sanctified by religious act and people discovered that these acts could be just as well be enacted without the need for religiuos intervention, the same could be said for government. In other words, the aspects of life we associate to government can be easily emmancipated with a change of mindset.
3- The tendency to govern is a human trait or a phase, like aggression. Institutionalising this is merely perpetuating the ideal.
4- Just as anarchists beleive in the abolition of government - all institutions affiliated (eg, the police, laws, courts - even benevolent welfare institutions) should likewise be abolished as they ultimately serve towards the same ends as the folley of the government.
5- Anarchism is neither the extreme of liberalism (freedom) or socialism (equality). nor does it say it's the balence of both as that's welfare capitolism - but instead it's the realisation that liberalism and socialism are fundimentaly the same thing.

A lot is said not said about human nature, so I think it's important to read between the lines at parts. Take point one for example - it works only on the truth that all men are entirely equal have the same strengths and most importantly, that the desire for liberty is precident over the individual's desire for tangeable social order. I don't think this is the case. Even Marx (the sugar daddy of equality) said that any society boasts the governing and governable.

I think the rest of what the essay has to say is a mere juggling around of those aspects which don't fit happily into the above five points. For example, ownership of property or the occasional times when government is required.

At points, it's unclear as to when Walter is imagining a commune and when he's just some guy with a problem with authority. That's a frustrating aspect to the writing. I think the guy's coming from the perspective of someone who thinks ``I'm sensible enough to take care of myself government gets in the way`` and (as i just said) negates any aspect of human nature. A friend of mine once said `the law is for the guidence of the wise and the obedience of the fools` I think this is a terrible philosophy.

Perhaps Anarchism may work for the citizens of Dogville (the small mountain village with too few people for crime, too remote for commercialism/industrialism, too close-knit for domestic authority) and to an extent any group of friends could be considered Anarchistic, but Walter didn't look into a wider sphere.

I was too boneidle to do any proper further research for this blog but from what I know of Sierra Leone - the civil war of nintees dismantled the government and the only order was bought to pass by UN `peace keepers`. In not too long, there were regions and territories marked by organised crime syndicates and war lords which actually did a good job of keeping order and some looked after their `people` in a respectable way (for fascists anyway). As a country sized ant farm, I think that's rather insightful to human and society nature.

So why doens't anarchy work? Well for a start, just like every mid to far left political ideal (bar Marxism) it completely ignores human nature or diversity of people. But also, a moneyless, lawless, posesionless society is in itself : pointless. There's no reason for being in a society that isn't governed. People want/need to have ambition, have limits, have discipline. Leave a plate of water in the wind and it ripples. Leave a field fallow and a hundred species will grow in every direction. I think it's human nature to exploit the tiny aspects of life and make the most of their position in it - just like the war lords in Sierra Leone, so no massive society could possibly sustain a perfectly placid state when it comes down to people accepting their own equality.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The Bridge Between Marxism and Maoism

Until now, I've often thought as Proclaimers as the right-wing church who wears all the designer gear but still finds itself yapping at the heals of the mega-church striving to become that paradigm by imitation alone. However, earlier, it occurred to me, that the `Revival` is more socialist - communist even, than I've have thought blogworthy.

Imagine, if you will, a myriad of faceless soldiers lining up for the front-line - an army who doesn't understand the concept of freedom, deny themselves the choice of identity and who bear only the name of their leader across their brow. It occurred to me earlier that rather than Rev. Rawls being the right wing controller to tells people what to do - he is in fact Hu Jintao (or Big Brother, if you will); the revolution: the glorious Red Banners proclaiming the over supplication of the populous (or ingsoc).

And while I could expand on the staggering similarities between Proclaimers and Red China (or as veterans of roughage will remember – Oceana) that occurred to me earlier, I do instead: make reference to how scared I am that in spite of the way free-thinkers (such as myself) are affronted with a Tiananman Square welcome from the Paster - the ambient church of the world does nothing so long as fabricated bonds between church and church are created for the edification of the church en masse.

However, this does inevitably come at the church's convenient ignorance of bloggers and commentators such as myself. In the same way, Carl recently blogged on the frustration of world leaders turning a blind eye to the atrocities in China because it served their purposes to do so. In other words:

The way China is propped up by the trade the West forges with it, ultimately this is the destructive force to the populous of the exploited country. This is because the motives of the main beneficiary are occluded in the interest of international peace and the primary capitalist goals of the wider world stage.

By paraphrase, I am, of course, implying the orthodox evangelical church has a primary objective to `make disciples of all men` Matt 28:19 and while the seeker sensitive performance of Awesome draws in large groups of gentiles who have found a rock concert with a gospel message, the human brains of the wider church are bribed by the numbers. In a far too real sense – they are the New York board members who find their production can multiply beyond Western conceivability if they embrace the aspects of Maoism of convenience to them. And while this sordid façade goes on between the irrepressible and the irresponsible, the only objectivity comes from the powerless commentators, humanitarians and libertarians. I comment on proclaimers because i see it as a danger to society and the church I serve, and Amnesty International raises the awareness of the public to Red China for the same motives (though of course the margins are grossly incomparable).

I don't think my thoughts could be surmised better than than the daddy of all social commentators – Karl Marx: `Capital [or the currency of the church] is dead labour, which, vampire-like, lives only by sucking living labour, and lives the more, the more labour it sucks`. Expanding on this, Santayana said `a child educated at school is an uneducated child`.*

Without getting carried away with my earlier revelation regarding the social standing of Proclaimers - I read what I could find regarding what my posse Marx and Engels had to say concerning the virtues of society in the far left and from their accounts and from all others I could find on the net, those of Hegel, Trotsky, Tony Cliff, Marx, Engels, Napoleon to name the memorable - ALL accounts make reference to revolution.

Up until now, I have used the word `revolution` in such a casual manor I've taken for granted the deep foundations of the word. Perhaps the pragmatics of the word have undergone some sort of re-alignment in the dizzy heights of the evangelical podia. Or perhaps the words `revolution` and `revival` are illusively synonymous. Or perhaps I affiliate mega-church (and the church pretending to be one) too much with the real world of social interaction or society as a whole.

I cannot think of how Proclaimers (or more accurately, Awesome), from the outset, had anything against which to revolt, except the taboo of the domestic church politics that caused the rift in the church (the church history of the Proclaimers website says only that the forerunners to the revolution were `seeds`). In my research for this blog, I came across this theory by twentieth century Marxist Writer Tony Cliff:

The theory of `Deflected State Capitalism` or `Permanent Revolution`, says crudely, that in the scenario where a state is not sufficiently industrialised for a revolution of the Socialist party (e.g., Cuba - or a politically settled and liberal church i.e. the Proclaimers of old) the Prole form a kind of Worker's Union state which permanently pushes against the Democratic overhead until an ultimate consolidation of the devolved capitalism by the socialist. In other words the *revolution* has bubbled under the surface for a while and eventually manifested as the Awesome Generation.

And why did this happen? I think that's a question best answered by personal opinion.... I don't pretend to hold a torch to WHY the stable loving church of old was overthrown to a machine of extreme left. An overbearing uncompromising mass of Overdriven power chords, DTP, flash, strobes and shouting preaching continually breaking the spirit of the congregation and re-moulding it perfectly to its own hedonistic image. Nor do I know how the church leaders across the city manage to bury their heads in the sand - Or think the realm within the confines of the world as they decide it concerns them is ticking along nicely enough for them to sleep at night.

Perhaps Proclaimers needs only to be aware of the implications of figure heading such a body of people. I wouldn't call it a big gathering (primarily because I'm quite confident Paster Tom's ego doesn't need any more nursing than that except by that of his servants, but also, compared to the church they long for, the gathering even by their standards, is not immense). Implications of figure heading such a people is an apt enough term. Not only does it take into account the accountability they must face for the essays like this one, but also the responsibility they have to the people who have given so much.... My two cents is until they treat the congregation as the mass of individuals that they are, instead of the resource of nameless Awesomeites they've become – they're less of a church and more of a commune. (and thus governed by those politics).

* though for the sake of conversation, I found out recently that Santayana was also credited with saying `Nearly every wise saying has an opposite one, no less wise, to balance it`. Wise words indeed.

Monday, May 08, 2006

'Tis the season... and a very Bennish learning curve...

The trees are getting greener the evenings longer and the clothes getting pastelier which can mean only one thing.....
.... The Chrsitian festival season is upon us!

It's the time of year where all my youthy smiley stage-fourless bretherein go away for the week in daddy's wallet and come back with the hoodies saying `I got well-hyped in a tent for an hour`.

I'm not sure where i stand on festivals, having never been to one myself before, but i think there are many people who treat them a little too much like a scout camp. Or even those spiritual junkie sorts who have a well holy July then wait eleven months for the next hype camp when they can tell their church friends:

``ah, I was so far from God i didn't even realise! But when they played that really overpowering song with the shouting preaching and everyone else around was crying and being alter-called, i started crying too and the holy spirit came over me because i felt all thingly and i realised how great God is. Look at my t-shirt I bought my testimony in a four word slogan so we can all remember it!``

I think my today's churchy rant is an extension of the post I made on `the dreadded stage four` (linked above), but more my personal account.

Today's hypothesis, children, is:

Now I've learned to include God in the little things, I'm off to save the world.

I've grown up in church where I've always been looking over my shoulder for the revival that was promised every week from the pulpit. NFI Gorleston always talked about the revival in Yarmouth. Tabernacle Yarmouth always talked about the revival in Cobholm (=area of Yarmouth). City Church Norwich always talks about the revival for this nation - and not one of these ever came into fruition. (Which is why my tongue reaches for my cheek when Proclaimers talk about the Norwich revival). As such, I think i've developed as a Christian to pray for revival. Pray for the nation, and act like the world is on my shoulders. Much like the 7 stages of becomming a Christian* this is, on paper, a whizzo approach to church culture and Chrsitianity. However, my experience and observations beg to differ.

Since moving out, I haven't been away from the church, but being more distant from it than when i was in the band at Park Baptist in Yarmouth, I've had more time to not only find myself, but also find God - and God in me. This has had a wiggly path into where i am now, which involves, being away from God altogether, hating church, pining after church, thinking fellowship is all we need and not formal church at all, random God-spurts, and ultimately: waking up in the morning, thanking God for the new day and just not stopping praying for anything. Learning that God wants me to not laugh at the fat-chick over the road before i pray for all fat-chicks in the revival-district to find God. I've learned that God wants me to train my eye on only Laura before I ask her to be mine offer to be hers alone.I've learned not to waste the pennies, before praying for the £thousends. I've learned God wants more to bring one new soul to Him than to revive the dusty-distracted proud church. I've learned God wants to jump in my heart, before the band tell me to jump for Him. I've learned God wants Laura and me to thank Him for the daily bread before we ask Him for the things we can live without.

In conclusion - I've learned that I want to be trusted with my own life, before I ask for revival for the nation to be put on my shoulders.

How did I learn this? I think it's from cutting through the carp and never minding the buzzards. I've learned to be a Christian without the indulgence of church or the CDs or the clothing that tries to bridge me to God. I've learned that I get to the Father through the Son and not to use use merchandise as a means to an end. (Perhaps that's why the Spiritual junkies fail in the August as they're away from the crutch of bought and payed-for communion with God. ).

The other day, I aksed the most beautiful girl in the world to be my wife (praise the Lord, she said `yUp`!). Two days before, I went to pray in the sun at the top of the hill by our house after voting. Laying in the sun with my Bible, I opened to the good old tried and tested Psalm 23. I layed on the bench with the sounds of the children laughing in the park behind me. My intention was to ask God - petition His guidence into such a major decision as this, but instead, my heart longed only to praise Him. Thank Him for the sun, worship Him for our salvation, thank Him for every blessing in my life and in my friends lives. I didn't ask for provision (though that was how church has taught me to pray), nor did I dote more than was healthy on the confession of my sins before the saving Grace of Christ. Instead, all I did was worship and praise and tell God of my love for Him... and only after that did I realise that the decision I had been prepeared to lay so easnestly before Him... the decision over which I had been willing to fast and petition - God whispered so freely and joyfully to me as I had layed my heart in adoration before him moments previous.

Perhaps being a Christian is all a question of balence. I still consider it my duty to pray for the nation, and to make desciples of men, but I've realised that it's not the evangelists or the pasters i respect - the people I respect are the men and women of God who bless my life. the people whose Blogs I've linked to (right). In high school (and to a lesser extent VI form), I tried to win noteriety by building the biggest CU, or speaking to as many people as I could about God - but there is futility in bearing the power of the Gospel message without the control to live it.

My prayer now is

Father God, bless this street, this city, Your creation with the happiness you give to me.
Lord, prove Your love and make men and women content of heart and abundent in love.
Because, God, the amazing grace You've given to me for eigteen years, is the gentle love that wipes every tear from every eye. It's the power that makes the blind see. It's the strength that helps the user drop the needle. It's the domain that rains for forty days and nights, and stops for three years. It's the grace that dies for grace's sake. It's the wisdom that asks `who do you say I am?`.
But most of all Lord. It's the reason I wake up in the morning. It's the reaosn I breate, it's the reason I type this. and it's the reason I love you more than I love anyone or anything.


* seven stages of becomming a contemporary Chrsitian...

1- Be sinner
2i- Go to preacher seminar
2ii- Be convicted
2iii- Be Born again
2iv- Raise hands
3i- Join church
3ii- Shake hands, raise hands (at appropriate places)
3iii- Serve Tea
5- Join house group
6- Share testimony/sermonette
7- Join worship band
8- Join deaconate

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Recipie for Lauracake :)

1- Get La to `beat` 4oz of butter until she sounds pleased at it.

2- Stir in 4oz of caster sugar (avoid La making you do this part).

3- Sift 4oz of plain flour (if unable to find sieve, listen to La when she points out that the packet says the flour doens't need sifting).

4- Put in 1tsp of `baking powder` and a `tad` of vaniller flavouring.

5- Let La do something with milk while writing stage four.

6- Mix until told to stop.

7- Preheat oven to gas mask four.

8- Get more beer (if reqd.) See Ref1

9- Come back when mixture has been spooned into cake cases. (avoid rolling pin vacinity when laughing at the word `spooned`) See Ref2

10- Measure 3oz of icing sugar. Add 2oz to ready beaten butter and add remainter to mouth.

11- Ponder artex.

12- Be called a stupid by La for something i can't remember because i was pondering artex.

13- Something else with milk.

14- Put one tsp of coffee in mug and add just enough boiled water to dissolve coffee granules. (if do not have pre-boiled water, use kettle). See Ref3

15- eat icing sugar (excuse may be required).

16- Add egg to the milk at stage 5 (sorry).

17- Make into `fairies` and sprinkle with icing sugar.

18- Eat

REF1 Do this...

Ref2 La spooning and me coming from the rear *snigger*

REF3 Use Thunderbirds mug if possible

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Thoughts on deporting immigrant criminals...

Listening to Radio 2 today coming back from playing squash and the honourable Charles Clarke and Mister Blair were discussing the issue of immigrants being sent back to their own countries to serve prison sentences for offences committed in this country.

This is a very touchy and difficult decision to make. I think the legal implications are easy enough, but as for the moral dilema, the matter requires a lot more thought.

Primarily, these are real humans who have sought real asylum and other than `Britian's tradition` (as radio 2 called it) not to send people to war-torn countries, I cannot think of another argument advocating these offenders staying in our country.

A caller person rang in when the House of Commons all went and had their sarnies and panda pops for lunch saying about her human rights to be able to walk down the street without having to be murdered.

My main dilema was `what forfeit's a person's right to asylum?`. I'm no human right's lawyer so i don't feel qualified to answer that question, but it's an interesting point.

If these people risk getting murdered when going home, do they forfeit their right to asylum by stealing to prop up their Social Security cheques at home? Is that the pot calling the union jack kettle black?

... And here, i just go back to paragraph three and my thoughts on this subject just repeat themselves...

As such, i think this is a tricky decisions for the House of Commoners to make, and not one I envy.


love benvolio, x

Monday, May 01, 2006

Beauty in song lyrics

[just a musing...]

Recently I'm finding i want a massive brain so i can store all the song words in the world. Last blog i quoted Chrles Wesley, and I'm straining to learn all of `An Can it Be`.

Dave linked this song on the NYFC forum today and nearly moved me to tears. I've heard this song before as a couple of album versions but came alive with the above linked live version. Extract from lyrics:

Man versus himself.
Man versus machine.
Man versus the world. Mankind versus me.
The struggles go on, The wisdom I lack, The burdens keep pilling up on my back.
So hard to breathe, To take the next step.
The mountain is high, I wait in the depths.
Yearning for grace, And hoping for peace.
Dear God... Increase!
`Every New Day` - Five Iron Frenzy

Perhaps it's a gift from God to be able to write a lyrics that can send a tingle down your spine, and convict you in a way that stops your life in its tracks if even for a second.

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,and all the things I cannot hide take the beauty, take my tears the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all aparttake it now, take it now and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny watch the world I used to love fall to dust and thrown away...
`World's Apart` - Jars of Clay

Although these are only words - they're more than that. (IMO), they're more powerful than the properganda of Nazi Germany or of American Black Oppression and more beautiful than Shakespeare. not because of the words used, but because of the way God blesses them to convict, inspire, teach and reveal us...