iBlog: January 2007


Tomorrow's blog today

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Four Minute Blog

Catholic adoption agencies are being silly with refusing to fix children up with same sex parents. I agree that the same sex parent model probably isn't the balanced family dynamic that God intended for children (and it remains to be seen the damage - or benefits - the gay parent family model creates).

But as Christians, we are called to bring compassion and love to the world, not tell people how wrong they are and yell `HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION!` every time we feel like someone else is getting their way when we don't agree.

I think it comes down to the issue of the lesser of two evils: human rights vs human rights. But as it's more sympathetic to let a child to the genuinne love and care of a same sex parentage than to leave its upbringing to a state children's home, or even the risk of them escaping to the streets, this semms to me like a classic example of the Catholics saying God's only as big as His dogma


I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold

I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma* what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

* in a divine statistical sense

Saturday, January 27, 2007

I was emailing an old friend today,

and in amongst my ramblings, I thought of an interesting question:

Should we be thankful that God affords us grace or that grace affords us God?

In other words, do we praise God because He's a nice chap towards us, or because He's a nice chap?

Friday, January 26, 2007


Coutesy of Matt from the telegraph online

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
The Right Reverend Benvolio the Temporary of Oxbridge by Camford
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Saturday, January 20, 2007

This Makes Me Insanely Mad!

... Because I work at B&Q.

Linky Link

Silly Mundane World

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Victoria Newton from the Sun commented that these legs, belonging to Posh were `fantastic`.

Stupid irresponsible superficial tabloid bunch of monkies!

Linky Link


B&Q withdraws it's new range of `offensive letter boxes` after customers complained of their front doors sticking their tongues out at visitors.

Oxfam admits there could have been more training on converting farmers to fishermen.

Pete doherty leaves re-hab again

Out of time drummers from Bejing

``But I wanted to be in the red team!``

I like Girls Aloud

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

More Things that Have Tickled My Fancy Today

Urban Dictionary Definitions of Note

A human person who is unusually fat or overweight.

Awwww, mate - some chuffer just crushed my car by trying to slide over the bonnet!

Safety Game
Doorknob is a game in which participants are supposed to say "safety" after they flatuate before other participants say "doorknob". This is known as "calling doorknob". If other participants call doorknob before the flatulater calls safety, then the non-flatuting participants are encouraged to physically assault the flatulater until he or she touches a doorknob. The game is generally assumed to be continuously active, and participants are frequently forced into the game unexpectedly, even against their will.

Rules of safety game
When an individual flatuates, he or she must say the word "safety" in a clear tone so as to be heard by those around him.
If the individual fails to say "safety", participants may say the word "doorknob".
At that time, participants may physically punish the individual who flatuated.
The individual must immediately seek a doorknob 1 and touch it. Once the individual touches said doorknob, the beating must cease.

1 up, 1 down

adj., v. To walk around wearing one shoe and sock, while the other foot is bare; also Numptyfooted, Numptyfooting

Brian kicked off a shoe, and spent the afternoon numptyfooting on the lawn.

Girlfriend Button
The button on the controller of an xbox or PS2 you have to press to pause the game when your girlfriend wants to talk.

She said "We need to talk..." So I pressed the girlfriend button to pause my Madden game.

To write a blog entry just for the sake of posting an entry, not because you have done anything interesting today.

I couldn't really think of anthing good to blog about, so my last post was real blogorrhea.

Celtic Spirituality

Celtic Christianity is a new interest of mine of late. Thought I'd share it with the friendly folk who read my blog.

I think most people, like me, are deterred from this quasi-denomination prima facie because of the word `Spirituality` in the name of a form of Christianity. However, as with most things, it's good advice to look deeper beneath first impressions.

To the best of my knowlege, it's the form of Christianity set up in England/Scotland/Ireland during the convertion of the pagans by the early Christian apostles, namely Columba and Aiden.

Celtic Christianity has a very earthy approach to faith, so unlike the bulk of churches stuck in modernity and structuralism, or evangelical churches who tend to engage heavily in the control of people or masses - CS lends itself to a more natural muse on faith so it takes patterns from the seasons or moons as aids to prayers. Again, to orthodox evangelicals that might sound wierd, but all it means is that prayers sound like:
My soul's Healer,
Keep me at even,
Keep me at morning,
Keep me at noon,
On rough course faring,
Help and safeguard
My means this night.
I am tired, astray, and stumbling,
Shield me from snare and sin.
Celtic Christians also tend to believe that there's a fundimental element of God in all of us that's distorted, but never overwhelmed, by sin.

One interesting thing about CS is because it evolved in the world of the Pagans, it takes a fair few cues around spirituality and may explain why there's such an emphasis on nature and the earth. But I don't see this as anything against which to draw conclusions - after all, wasn't the Vatican built out of political gain? And isn't the modern evangelical church a mere rammification of the `we want x-y-z... we want to hurry along decelopment...` consumer culture we live in.

The very thing that endears me to CS is how it's so unadulterated unlike the modern or postmodern churches... even the emerging church with it's burn-your-bra approach to church structuralism is adulterated by the persuit of its own liberty at parts. I believe that our culture removes us from God and things like the God channel or mega-churches do nothing to hide that. But the principle of Iona or Lindisfarne being havens in God's physical wilderness where people pursued Him strikes me a much more real or perhaps authentic being of Christianity than or whatever corner of our lives we find to put God into.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

A Less Interesting Link

This is the best website I've seen in a long time. Linked from

Just make a shopping list like your normal week's groceries, and see how the bill compares from supermarket to supermarket. (Then make a purchasement at the end if you like).

We tend to use Tesco which came out the cheapest for me. My shop based on what we bought today at Morrisons was:

apples (4)
bananas (12)
green beans
red pepper
orange pepper
corgette (2)
tomatoes (8)
mushrooms (3)
Onion (s)
milk (4pt0
mince beef (half kg)
coupla chicken breasts
rice krispies (acording to La - the healthiest cerial)
sugar free orange squash

Totals were:
Tesco: £20.80
ASDA: £21.28
Sainsbury's: £21.89
Ocado: £23.57

Difference isn't a lot, but for a big family shop (La and me only buy what we can carry and not a full week's anyway), if anyone's willing to give it a go, it'd be interesting to see how the prices compare.

A Square Inland Revenue in a Round Budget

On reading the news today, aparently the Police, NHS and armed forces don't have enough money. Everyone moans at taxation, but I'd be perfectly happy to pay another few hundred quid a year to keep the public sector working okay. It creates employment and is a comfort when Al Quaida think it's a good idea to bomb us to pieces...

Anyhoo, doesn't much more need to be said about this, other than La and me are bouncing on breadline poor because Mr Brown (God love him) is refusing to stop property values increasing and yet I'd be prepeared to be taxed more to make the State better. Let's face it, we all know:

- the education system
- the police
- the MoD
- the NHS (no link needed)
- prisons
- local post offices
- research into practical renewable enrgy sources, an applying them to everyday use

... Are all underfunded government organisations (whether they're subsidised or directly sponsered by the state or not), and save the post offices, these are all organisations we desperately NEED now, and all are failing to deliver.

It's time to stop outsourcing jobs from the public to private sector, time to stop subsidising UK space exploration, maybe time to curb asylum and EU outward investment tariffs. But edging up taxes on alcohol, tobacco, fuel, and 4x4s (excellent news on that last!) is no fix to the growing problems of budget deficit.

I think it's time we had an unpopular chancellor who'se bold enough to increase basic Income Tax by half a percent. I think that would cost me in the region of about £200 a year (or £16 a month!) which is just on a small salary. I recon for the country's 45 million or so tax payers the state treasury would be worth much more than that needed to make the deficit and more... the point being it's a worthy sacrifice.

On the subject of budgetting, Mr Cameron's made this in his spare time which is worth a butcher's look

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Too funny Not To Blog (or something)

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Dear Mr Letwin

... If that is your real name.

I've tried and tried to keep in contact with you. I've sent you my favourite jokes and facts, even asked you to lunch and you keep refusing my offers. You've left me so broken hearted I can't iron anymore. Don't you realise how much people look up to you?! And you couldn't even meet a fan for a game of backgammon.

Well I'm fed up of trying now.

I hope you have a good life and sucessful career, because you'll never hear from me again.


Britain's Best Stargazer Says

You could be surprised at what you pick up [in the stores today]. It may be just what you’ve been looking for.

Linky Link

Wednesday, January 10, 2007


Today, Britain's best stargazer says
You may have trouble settling down –unless, of course, you’re already married. On the subject of honesty, you can’t get out of doing what someone wants – or get out of working, in fact. Well, not completely. But you should manage to win the daily struggle without sacrificing all your happiness.
It's the worst horroscope yet!

Linky Link

Dear Mr Letwin

Round of Backgammon?

Shall we say a pound-a-round?

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Dear Mr Foster

Sorry - no.

Dear Mr Letwin

Dear mr Letwin

Are you up for going to the pub then?

I'm free on Friday lunch time. Name a place and I'll see you there.

Yours sincerely

Mr Benvolio Foster

Alcohol Doesn't Rape Women, It Rapes Responsibility

The great Robert Henry Jackman wrote this article recently claiming that:

``The nation's snobbish hatred of 'ladette' [binge] culture has provided a get-out-jail-of-free card to rapists``
Call me old fashioned, conservative, crusty, fascist or whatever you will but I beleive as individuals in society we all have the responsibility to be responsible for our personal responsibility. I really don't think there's a great deal to say about this case except Jackman's argument has offered irresponsible women a get-out-of-jail-free card to their mistakes.

So what if men are on the sex offender's register for their lives because of a woman's mistake, so what if he looses his job, respect and dignity because a woman regrets the blurry eyed fuzz of a night before. surely it's in her rights to protect herself?

This is just a case of feminism gone silly, all because binge culture has created a Jeckel and Hyde approach to alcohol. Like Justicce Evans advocated, willful consent is willful consent. And you can't hold others responsible for the consequences of you choosing to surrender your self control.

Dear Mr Letwin

Thank you for your e-mail.

I should be most grateful if you could now send further jokes elsewhere, since I don't want to appear rude but I don't have time to read them!

With best wishes

Oliver Letwin


Dear Mr Letwin

Rest assured you don't sound rude at all and I appreciate the reply.

With respect to you not having time to read my jokes, please find attached a list of shorter `one-liners`. I may suggest you read one a day, or print them to leave in your brief case for more convenient times. Perhaps leave a copy in the lavatory.

"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."

Two muffins in an oven: `Good grief it's hot in here!`. The other replies `Argh! a talking muffin!`.

A man entered 10 puns to a pun contest. He hoped that at least one of the puns would win. But no pun in ten did.

Where do you find a one legged dog? Where you left it.

What do you call a fish with no eye? FSH!

Why do gerillas have big nostralls? Coz they got big fingers!

Yours sincerely as ever

Mr Benvolio Foster


Thank you - but I hope you won't mind if I don't from now on reply, because I don't have time to do that either!

Oliver Letwin

Mr Letwin Caption

Dear Mr Letwin

Dear Olly,

With the most earnest intentions, I demand to know why you did not email back to my correspondance to you of 5 January 2006, or some others before then.

If I have come on too strong I apologise, just please remember I can change for you.

If you don't want to talk that's fine, but let's please stay amicable, if only for poor Angela.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Your joke/fact emporium: Benvolio xXx

More Current Affairs 'n' That

Peter Andre Quote of the Day...

To paraphrase:

I wont rest until son is recovered from his extensive burns

Linky Link

Britain's Best Stargazer Says...

Linky Link

``There could be a short task to complete...``

Current Affairs 'n' that

Monday, January 08, 2007

Panda Bear 'n' That

A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich.
When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant.
A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear."
It says, ''Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves.''

Friday, January 05, 2007

Psalm 63

1 O God, you are my Everything,
with everything I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

2 I have seen you in the best places
and realised your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8 My soul clings to you;
your hand upholds me

Fistful of Sand

Five Iron Frenzy

Up from the sands of the mighty Sahara comes,
Our hero bold, who so it's told,
is a lot like you and me.
His passion burns, the world it turns,
He fills his hand to fill the void,
And fuels the constant feeling,
Of nothingness inside his soul.

Feels like nothing ever did.
Kills like nothing ever could.
Dark and jaded world I hated,
Everything I left behind.
I don't need you, and I don't want you,
World that left me blind.

Beneath the sands of the mighty Sahara lies,
Buried treasure sunken deep,
in darkened tombs where dead men sleep.
Gold fills hands, or is it sand,
The same that covers everything?
Where cities stood, soon deserts found,
Now sink beneath the swelling ground.

Feels like nothing ever did.
Kills like nothing ever could.
Dark and jaded world I hated,
Everything I left behind.
I don't need you, and I don't want you,
World that left me blind.

This world is for the taking,
This world is suffocating.
Plastic bags of novacain,
Some PCP to kill the pain.
Build a tomb to store your rust,
Moth-eaten piles of blowing dust.

Under the sands of the mighty Sahara,
Goes our hero bold, in seach of gold,
a casket for a dying world.
Our hero stands, wealth in hand,
The prize for his endeavors.
The masses cheer, to hide their fears
That no man lives forever.

Feels like nothing ever did.
Kills like nothing ever could.
Dark and jaded world I hated,
Everything I left behind.
I don't need you, and I don't want you,
World that left me blind.

Dear Mr Letwin...

Dear Mr Letwin

I do hope you had a wonderful Christmas and a very merry new year. We got a microwave.

As you probably know, I'm from Norfolk. As such I attach the following interesting facts. I hope they will be interesting to you and perhaps help your work in some way.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

Bluebirds cannot see the color blue.

Rats can't vomit, that's why rat poison works

While humans and most species are divided into only two sexes, mushrooms contain over 36,000 sexes

If a Lobster loses an eye, it will grow another one.

Over 10,000 birds a year die from smashing into windows.

President George W Bush was once a cheer leader.

A queen bee uses her stinger only to sting another queen bee

The Muppet Show was banned from Saudi Arabian TV becuase one if its stars was a pig.

As ever, I'm available to assist in any capacity in providing you with jokes, anecdotes or facts. I'm sure you can expect more facts to come shortly.

Yours sincerely

Mr Benvolio Foster