Picture of Ricky Gervais coming onto Kate Winslet

Just kidding, it's Leonardo Dicaprio and Kate Winslet sitting innocently on the sofa while a camera from the Daily TelegrAPH takes pictures of themselves for my satirical entertainment

The Benatron

Most guys don't take an interest in what their women wear...

I don't don't.

I even designed La a dress tonight and it was AWESOME!

It was made of chiffon which is this stuff. But that's really see through so there are some novelty sunglasses to cover the (boobs). It is sleeveless and has a very straight neckline with some hidden extras...

Firstly, as my wife likes flowers, there's a rose that pokes out of the side so she can always be near a rose. Ther is also a breadstick out of the other hip in case she gets hungry.

Under the rose there's a CO2 fire extinguisher to deal with type A and B fires just in case she catches fire in a type A or B way. (in addition this can be extended to all other fire classifications)

The dress also features a solar panel in the tummy section which is handy for powering any rocket powered park benches you might happen upon in the park or doodle.

The ensemble is complete with a sombrero.

The dress is best modeled (apart from on La) on a flying park bench with a model with webbed feet and a cocktail class with a flying fish with half moon glasses and angel wings floating ahead. The scene should show the bench and it's model flying very very fast and the model in a state of shock.

The dress is called:

The Benatron

Lance Armstrong Riding in the 2009 Tour de France

Linky Link

This is a blog about cycling so you might want to zone out now.

I'm really excited about this for a lot of reasons. Mostly because Armstrong, IMO, is quite simply the greatest sportsman to have ever lived (Second only to Micky Quinn of course) and to see him back in the tour after for the first time since 2005 is awesome.

The other big reason it's exciting is because it's weird in cycling to have more than one super-athelete in one team. Normally a cycling team comprises of about 4 members - 1 key rider and 3 dometiques who all supprt the key rider in one way. Now on the Astana team we already have a charming Spaniard called Alberto Contador who won the 2007 Tour De France if I remmeber correctly (though Alexander Vindakourov should have IMO - I don't care if he was doping he's still an awesome cyclist) anyway... it's going to be really exciting to see what happens when Armstrong and Contador team up. It rarely works out that the teams where the riders work for themselves work out well.

It doesn't sound like Armstrong is playing to win which is kind of disappointing as it would be really awesome to have an eight-time Tour de France mono-bollocked champion in our midst, but what his racing will acheive is a raised awareness of livestrong - his charity for cancer patients. (He almost died from ball brain and lung cancer and was told he wouldn't ride again before winning seven tours in a row.... is worth reading his autobiograhy).

So I think I'll book July 2009 off work and maybe hermit over to france to watch Armstrong, Contador and Vindakourov bombing down the descents at 70 miles per hour racing for first place - stealin each other's slipstreams as they break away from the peloton and jostle for the last milisecond for the yellow jersey... Or maybe I'll go to the soccor six in Birmingham and egg on Mr Quinn. It's a judgement call I'll make closer to the time

Is it just me...

Or are Tom Waits* and the Cookie Monster** the same `person`?


* I like Tom Wait's penchant for blues and whisky
** I like the Cookie Monster's penchant for cookies

This is from one of my favourite blogs: Internets Dairy.

How good a carpenter was Jesus?

I ask because I was in church the other day, singing a hymn, when a line about Jesus' hands being 'skilled at the plane and the lathe' came up.

But what evidence is there for these woodworking skills? There are plenty of stories about Our Saviour raising the dead, turning water into wine etc. Precious little about him making a cassette rack, or turning a stable into a breakfast bar. The disciples were generally pretty fulsome in their praise of Jesus; that they don't mention his craftmanship implies it was bad or indifferent at best.

Also: this was a man who - famously - was actually nailed to some wood for some time. Wouldn't a proper carpenter have made some kind of professional comment in those long, long hours? 'The join between the crossbar and the upright isn't quite flush - you should have used a dovetail,' perhaps. 'Good choice on the asphaltum varnish; it should be blood-proof and it really brings out the grain.' But no, he just bangs on about being thirsty.

Could it be that hymns aren't peer reviewed?

Due to the credit crunch...

I have taken to using product placement in my blog.

Supercolider?!

But I hardly know 'er!

Laura Marling

I've been listening to this wee lassy this morning and have to say I'm rather enamoured. Apparently she was awarded some prize last night and I thought I'd just quickly try her name in worldwideweb.youtubes.co.org.uk/@.net when I read about that in the broadsheet this morning.

Sounds like a cross between Cathy Davey/Damien Rice/Kate Nash perhaps. See what you think.



Might turn into on of those singers you listen to late into the night time with whisky half bottle of whisky... like a feminine Tom Waits

About two hours later...

... we're not even half way through the Sunday Telegraph between us.

Where's Wally???

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Ah - here he is!



dedicated to my mom who fancies Nicholas Crane

Did you know...

If a badger was launched horizontally out of a window 4 meters in the air, for it to land at a distance of 1 mile away, it would have to be ejected at an initial velocity of:

6,480 miles per hour

Did you know...

The TI-83 series of graphing calculators is manufactured by Texas Instruments. The original TI-83 is itself an upgraded version of the TI-82.

Did you know...

In 1912, John Morton, also a Lynchburg resident, bought the rights to the product [chapstick] for five dollars. In their family kitchen, Mrs. Morton melted the pink ChapStick mixture, cooled it, and cut in into sticks*. 

* Their lucrative sales were used to found the Morton Manufacturing Corporation.

Did you know...

Clams can be eaten raw, steamed, boiled, baked or fried; the method of preparation depends partly on size and species.

Did you know...

Singer Ricky Martin has been quoted as saying:

"My convictions of peace and life go beyond any government and political agenda and as long as I have a voice onstage and offstage, I will always condemn war and those who promulgate it"

Did you know...

The noun `sock`, derives form the Ancient Greek word `soccus` which were the cloth foot garment of the theatrical players.

Did you know...

Tax Justice Network, an anti-tax haven pressure group, suggests that global tax revenue lost to tax havens exceeds US$255 billion per year, although those figures are not widely accepted.

Did you know...

Cable and wireless own 55pc of Monaco's Telephone network, while the government owns the other 45pc

Facesbooks and technonolgomies

So facesbooks celebrated one hundred million members only this week... that's like one in sixty people on the planet are on facesbooks.

woooooh

Bad accident

Now I'm in favour of capitolism and capitolists, so here what I'm thinking...

We found out this morning that the millionarie's house that burned down had a network of oil pipes installed to make it burn better, all the animals, and females on the property were systematicly shot, before the guy himself was shot [by himself?], prior to the *incident* his company was in liquidiation and he was transferring equity from one company to t'other...

I recon it was all just a really bad accident.

Poor guy.

Cancer 'n' that

So DISS morning *snigger* I went to the Doctor and he told me I don't have cancer after all.

I'm not DISSappointed. But the DISSidence of La DISScribing my cist as a melonomer DISSability DISStinguished my DISStain of meDISSicine and the way it DISSturbs my routine DISStastefully.

Anniversery

Yesterday was our ferst annerversery. Is nice to see how many people sent us cards. Didn't think that's what people did with anniversaries but now I do know.

Spent the mornin ringining estate agencies about houses (We're loooking to move house).

Ended up going all the way to Watton to see a funny old one bedder that had windows on the skirting board (which were cracked), damp, rot, and everything seemed to just be... yellow except the stuff that was originally meant to be yellow which was just brown. Oh, and the landlord was a farmer and I don't trust farmers after watching [Withnail] and I

Not a good start, so we came home.

Then went to see a place in Scole which was a little thatched cottage which was really nice that I sounded really enthusiastic about. Oak beams throgoughout, nice gardens, quiet(ish), garage and drive. And is close to Diss so we don't really need o to start making new roots again.

Then we came home and did our marriage MOT. THat's what Paul and Rev Heath talked about with us in our marriage sessions with them last year. It's an annual sit down with a glass of champagne (but we had to drain the bottle obviously which was a pity) where we talk about all aspects of our relationship, from: how well we communicate, to (sex), to conflict and the like, which is a good way of stopping bad habits and the like to form cracks in the relationship. One recommends doing this with one's other half every now and then.

Then we had a mid night feast of pancakes.

The End.