Matt

(from the Telegraph)

My Favourite one yet...

From The Desk Of Jimmy Gamba,

The Head Of File Department,
African Development Bank (A.D.B).
Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso West Africa.

             ("REMITTANCE OF $15 MILLION U.S.A DOLLARS
                              CONFIDENTIAL IS THE CASE")

 

Compliments Of The Season,

     Forgive my indignation if this message comes to you as a surprise and may offend your personality for contacting you without your prior consent and writing through this channel.I got your contact from the proffesional data base found in the internet Yahoo tourist search.When i was searching for a foreign reliable partner.I assured of your capability and reliability to champion this business opportunity.

 

     After series of prayers/fasting.i was divinely directed to contact you among other names found in the data base Yahoo tourist search.I believe that God has a way of helping who is in need.

 

   I am (Jimmy Gamba).the Head of file Department in African development bank (ADB).

In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of $15 million U.S.A dollars ( fifteen million U.S.A dollars).

 

In an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family on (Monday 31st July 2000) in a plane crash.Since we got information about his death,we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines,but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died along side with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and i don’t want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill.

The Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after eight years,the money will be transferred into the Bank treasury as unclaimed fund.The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner, and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. I agree that 40% of this money will be for you as foreign partner,in respect to the provision of a foreign account and 60% would be for me.That means ($6 million)  six million dollars for you and ($9 million) nine million dollars for me.There after i will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated.

Therefore to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you as arranged,you must apply first to the bank as relations or next of kin of the deceased indicating your bank name,your bank account number,your private telephone and fax number for easy and effective communication and location where the money will be remitted.Upon receipt of your reply,I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer.

I am awaiting for your immediate response as you receive this mail.Extend my sincere greetings to your entire family.God bless you and your entire family and bye for now.

 

Your’s faithfully,

JIMMY GAMBA

FROM (ADB) OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA-FASO.

GOD BLESSINGS,PROTECTIONS AND GUIDANCE TO YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY.

 

  (FILL THIS FORM BELLOW PLEASE AND RESEND IT TO ME).

 

1) Your Full Name......................................

2) Your Age...............................................

3) Marital Status.........................................

4) Your Cell Phone Number.......................

5) Your Fax Number.................................

6) Your Country.........................................

7) Your Occupation....................................

8) Sex........................................................

9) Your Religion........................................

10) Your Private E-mail Address..................

 

POST SCRITUM: You have to keep everything secret as to enable the transfer to move very smoothly in to the account you will prove to the bank.

If it came to it...

St George could have St Dave, St Paddy and St Scotland in a scrap. Any day.

Starbucks (is gay)

On the way to work yesterday I saw a dog eatning the remnants of an old Starbucks cup thing.

I can't say I agree with the dog's politics.

I love Internets Dairy!

Linky Link

Bo's blog...

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Speaking of trying to be funny... What's green and smells like yellow paint?

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Green pain!!! meh heh heh!!!

It just occured to me...

... That I'm a twenty something.

This is something of a revelation really. Despite being married for a year and a half (we're sorting out the wedding album today by the way - woo!) I still feel like a sixth former most of the time. Maybe that's something to do with denial that I still don't really have a grown up job yet.

Anyway, this opens a whole new arena for me. I feel like I should wear CK blazers and armani aftershave sipping cocktails in fancy wine bars in the city... Or reading intelligent books and discussing them at length... or listening to chilled back jazz in a designer shag-pied-de-terre.

So I'm all but there and still with 8 and a half years left to get our designer pad (and being married to an interior designer, I can't really see that bein a problem).

I like being a twentysomething. I makes me feel emancipated from the realm of teenagedom, and justified in not having everything grownups *should* have (like a mortgage, 2.4 children and a Citroen Xantia).

This does beg the question of what a thirty something needs to have/acheive but I don't need to think about that yet.



Oh, and lent went rather well, thanks for asking. I enjoyed picking up The Sun for the first time in ages and reading Hagar the Horrible. In giving up being thick (for lent) I've managed to proffer interesting editorials in a forthcoming best-seller, got wifey in touch with a proof reading project, read Obama's `The Audacity of Hope`, reading Zadie Smith's `On Beauty`, saw `Dai (enough)` at the Theatre and generally been more thoughtful about the world.

I, along with everyone else I know who's done lent this year seem to have gotten something lasting and eye opening from the whole experience. Is nice.

Stangers are more fun on Omegle...

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hi

Stranger: hi

You: how you doin?

Stranger: what?

You: how are you?

Stranger: thanks

Stranger: from?

You: haha

You: uk you?

Stranger: china

You: konishua!

Stranger: Oh, I think I do not quite understand

You: understand you i do!

You: you are old how?

Stranger: The level of my English is not good

Stranger: 26

You: you sound very good ta

You: what do hobbies you like to do?

Stranger: Music

Stranger: Painting

You: can you paint music?

Stranger: Oh no not ,I think you misunderstood.

Stranger: I like music and art

You: stood where?

You: oh i see!

Stranger: Painting art

You: I like to dance

You: do you fox-trot?

You: or meringue?

Stranger: My profession is advertising designer.

You: can you shows me an advert you has designed?

Stranger: There are many

You: have you shown me some online?

Stranger: Please wait ah

You: you're welcome

Stranger: http://www.ipscn.net/UploadFiles/2006101118103249.jpg

Stranger: http://www.vi001.com/edit/upPic/20071026131237297.jpg

Stranger: http://www.vi001.com/edit/upPic/20071026131237312.jpg

Stranger: Yes I am very satisfied with.

You: my breath is taken away with you

You: what is your name called?

Stranger: My Chinese name is Sun Hailiang

Stranger: Sun Hailiang=孙海亮

You: man or girl

You: ?

Stranger: man

You: tall man?

Stranger: yes1

You: what circumference is your waist?

Stranger: My height?

You: yes

Stranger: 1.8M

Stranger: This yellow is the middle of the tall.

You: exactly

You: same here

Stranger: I know you in Europe have a high tall men.

You: no, our floors are all jsut propped up

You: ¿what's the tallest person you has ever meet?

Stranger: I am very satisfied with my height.

You: how satisfied do you think everyone else is with your height?

Stranger: Asian men's average increase is 1.68M

You: is Asia jelous of you?

Stranger: Asian men

You: if you could adress asian men right now, what would you say to them?

Stranger: Oh !you are too tall for a dwarf!

You: hahaha, you have extracted laughs from my bellyguts!

Stranger: Oh !no not I did not laugh at you.

You: what times is it over there?

Stranger: Could you just say, I do not understand.

Stranger: I said the bad English.

You: how many hours have gone by since your noon today

Stranger: Your country is at right now?

You: war

You: do you love communism?

Stranger: communism?

You: maoism

Stranger: I lived in communist countries

You: but now you live in china instead?

Stranger: No choice.

You: what can you choose?

Stranger: No

Stranger: My nationality is Chinese.

You: Your nationality is Cheese!?

Stranger: Chinese

Stranger: china

You: as in the bullshop?

Stranger: Wrong not you understand

Stranger: china

Stranger: nationality is china

You: china?

Stranger: China

You: China

Stranger: is Our leaders

You: bye

Stranger: Mao Zedong

You: that near tokyo?

Omegle

www.omegle.com

what is it with this interwebnet with new websites with mundane ideas. First there's facesbooks that serves absolutely no purpose, then ther's twitter which does the one aspect of what facesbooks does but worse... now there's omegle.com (or omegle dart carm if you're Amerk'n).

omegle is basicly a peer to peer chat room that connects you to anonymous strangers... for no reason. it serves no puropse. I haven't had a single eye opening chat so far. In fact.... everyone on it seems stupid!

But I will perseverem abd blog any interesting convos...

Zadie Smith, On Boo'ty (booy)!

I've wanted to read On Beauty for aages on the strength of the recommendations of friends and now we have a holiday I can read my first holiday book. w00t. Such a holiday as this is planned for the end of May so I should be well aquainted with the second chapter by then. mmm, nice.

I'll say something useful about the book when I've read it (in another ten months maybe?) but until then, read the first paragraph to White Teeth.

This might well be the bestest ever opening paragraph to a book in the whole world ever...

Early in the morning, late in the century, Cricklewood Broadway. At 06.27 hours on 1 January 1975, Alfred Archibold Jones was dressed in courdroy and sat in a fume-filled Cavalier Muskateer Estate face down on the steering wheel, hoping the judgement would not be too heavy upon him. He lay forward in a prostrate cross, jaw slack, arms splayed either side like some fallen angel; scrunched up in each fist he held his army service medsals (left) and his marriage licence (right), for he had decided to take his mistkaes with him. A little green light flashed in his eyes, signalling a right turn he had resolved never to make. He was resigned to it. He was preperaed for it. He had flipped a coin and stood staunchly by its conclusions. This was decided-upon suicide. In fact it was a New Years resolution.

Doesn't that first paragraph make you want to eat up that whole novel and suck it like a polaroid picture?!

Unforunately, White Teeth by Zadie Smith is a book that's bigger than my brains which is the reason I'm currently reading On Beauty instead. Happy days.

hahaha

From Linky Link

... for I am a jealous toy manufacturer...

Linky Link

this is better anyway...

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